Adoption Is adoption right for me? Some people choose adoption when faced with a pregnancy. Information and support is important, but the decision is personal and only you know what’s best for you. Why do people decide to place their babies for adoption? If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you’re not alone. About half of all women in the U.S. have an unplanned pregnancy at some point in their lives, and some decide to give birth and place their baby for adoption. The process of adoption is when you give birth and then choose someone else to parent your child. It’s a permanent, legal agreement where you agree to place your child in the care of another person or family permanently. You are in charge of your choice. There are many families throughout the country that are hoping to build their families through adoption. There are laws in every state guiding adoptive families and protecting you, so it’s important that you speak with an adoption agency or attorney. The decision to place a child for adoption is personal, and you’re the only one who can make it. Everyone has their own unique and valid reasons for choosing adoption. Some of the many different reasons people decide to place a child for adoption include: They’re not ready to be a parent. They can’t afford to raise a child. They don’t want to be a single parent. They want to be the best parent possible to the kids they already have. It’s not a good time in their life to raise a child. They want to finish school, focus on work, or achieve other goals before parenting a child. They’re not in a relationship with someone they want to parent a child with. They believe adoption is the best chance for their child to be well-cared for. They’re in an abusive relationship or were sexually assaulted. They just don’t want to be a parent right now. What can I think about to help me decide? Family, relationships, money, school, work, life goals, personal beliefs, and the well-being of your future child — most people think carefully about all of these things before choosing adoption. But every person’s situation is different, and only you can decide what’s best in your case. Here are some things to ask yourself: Do I feel comfortable letting someone else parent my child? Do I believe my child will be treated well by the adoptive parent(s)? Do I feel I can’t care for a child now? Would I consider abortion or parenting? Is someone pressuring me to choose adoption? Am I ready to go through pregnancy and childbirth? Am I prepared to cope with the feelings of loss I may have? Will I feel okay if I visit my child and their family 2 or 3 times a year, or possibly never see them again? Do I have people in my life who will support me through my pregnancy, birth, and adoption process? There can be lots of stuff to consider, and it’s totally normal to have many different feelings and thoughts when making your decision. That’s why it’s important to get factual, non-judgmental information about your pregnancy options. Support from other people you trust can also help you figure out if adoption is right for you. Who can I talk to about adoption? Talking with your partner, someone in your family, a friend, a religious advisor, or a counselor can be helpful when you’re making a choice about an unplanned pregnancy. Lots of people lean on others to help them with their decision. It’s good to choose people who you know are supportive of you and won’t be judgmental. An adoption agency can give you information and help you think through your decision. Many family planning clinics have specially trained staff that can give you accurate information about all your options and other resources. The staff at your local health clinic listed on Clinics and Providers can also refer you to adoption agencies or other resources in your area. No one should pressure you into making any decision about your pregnancy, no matter what. At the end of the day, only you know what’s right for you. You might be wondering how to start the adoption process. Here are some things to look for when you check out adoption agencies: They have an authentic, transparent, unbiased website. They listen to you. You’re treated with dignity and respect. They don’t judge you. They have fact-based answers to your questions and support you no matter what you choose to do. When you make your choice — no matter what it is — they’ll help connect you with the resources you need. If you’re having a hard time finding someone in your life to talk with, check out All-Options 1-888-493-0092 or The National Pro-Choice Adoption Collaborative. Both offer free hotlines that give you a confidential space to talk about your feelings about your pregnancy. They’ll give you judgement-free support no matter what you decide to do. How does it feel to place a baby for adoption? It’s really normal to have a lot of different feelings after placing your child for adoption. Lots of people who choose adoption are happy knowing that their child is living with a family who loves and cares for them. They may feel empowered as birth parents, because the decision they made helped give their child a good life. Some people find that the sense of loss is deeper than they expected. It’s totally normal to feel grief after the adoption is complete. You might also feel reassured and relieved. Having many different feelings is very common, and your feelings might be complicated for a while. Talking with a counselor who’s experienced with adoption and talking with other people who’ve been through adoption can give you support and help you work through your emotions, both during and after the adoption process. If you work with an adoption agency, they may provide counseling. If you have an independent adoption, you can request counseling through a local adoption agency. No matter which type of adoption you decide on, it’s important to find people who will support you during and after your pregnancy and the adoption. You can also call All-Options and The National Pro-Choice Adoption Collaborative for judgement-free support anytime. When do I have to decide about adoption? It’s important to take the time you need to make the best decision for you. Some people start planning their child’s adoption early in their pregnancy, and others begin later in pregnancy. A few even start the adoption process at the hospital after the baby is born. Your timeline for making an adoption plan depends on you and your needs and situation. It’s a good idea to talk to a nurse or doctor as soon as you can so you can get the best medical care possible. The staff at your local health center are always here to provide expert medical care and support, no matter what decision you make.

How Effective Is Abstinence Abstinence is VERY effective at preventing pregnancy Abstinence is the only 100 percent effective way to protect against pregnancy, ensuring that there is no exchange of bodily fluids (such as vaginal secretions and semen). Abstinence prevents pregnancy by keeping semen away from the vagina so the sperm cells in semen cannot meet with an egg and fertilize it. If you are abstinent 100 percent of the time, pregnancy cannot happen. People sometimes also use abstinence to prevent pregnancy on days they are fertile (most likely to get pregnant), but they may have vaginal sex at other times. It will be important to discuss with your partner what abstinence means to you, especially if you are developing a new relationship. Someone that cares about you will honor your choices and not push for sexual behavior that makes you uncomfortable.

What Is Sexual Orientation? It’s not completely known what causes someone to be lesbian, gay, straight, or bisexual, but your sexual orientation probably started at a very young age. This doesn’t mean that you had sexual feelings, just that you had feelings about who you were attracted to. As you get older these feelings get stronger and shape your sexual identity. Sometimes sexual orientation changes over time. And sometimes it stays the same throughout your life. But sexual orientation isn’t a choice, and can’t be changed by therapy, treatment, or pressure from family or friends. You also can’t “turn” a person gay. For example, a girl who plays with toys traditionally made for boys isn’t going to become a lesbian because of that. Sexual orientation can feel incredibly simple — you’re a girl who’s always liked both guys and girls and you identify as bisexual — or it can feel way more complex. It may take several years to understand your sexual orientation or come out. Some people call themselves questioning, which means they aren’t sure about their sexual orientation or gender identity. This is common — especially for teens.

Be An Ally And A Friend Be a listener. Be open-minded. Be willing to talk. Be inclusive and invite LGBT friends to hang out with your friends and family. Don't assume that all your friends and co-workers are straight. Someone close to you could be looking for support in their coming-out process. Not making assumptions will give them the space they need. Anti-LGBT comments and jokes are harmful. Let your friends, family and co-workers know that you find them offensive. Confront your own prejudices and bias, even if it is uncomfortable to do so. Defend your LGBT friends against discrimination. Believe that all people, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation, should be treated with dignity and respect. If you see LGBT people being misrepresented in the media, contact glaad.org.

STI Prevention Learn more about how you can prevent STIs and keep you and your partners safe. Get the Facts Arm yourself with basic information about STIs: How are these diseases spread? How can you protect yourself? What are the treatment options? Learn the answers to these questions by reading the STI Fact Sheets. Take Control You have the facts; now protect yourself and your sexual partners. Abstinence The most reliable way to avoid infection is to not have sex (i.e., anal, vaginal or oral). Vaccination Vaccines are safe, effective, and recommended ways to prevent hepatitis B and HPV. HPV vaccines for males and females can protect against some of the most common types of HPV. It is best to get all three doses (shots) before becoming sexually active. However, HPV vaccines are recommended for all teen girls and women through age 26 and all teen boys and men through age 21, who did not get all three doses of the vaccine when they were younger. You should also get vaccinated for hepatitis B if you were not vaccinated when you were younger. Reduce Number of Sex Partners Reducing your number of sex partners can decrease your risk for STIs. It is still important that you and your partner get tested, and that you share your test results with one another. Mutual Monogamy Mutual monogamy means that you agree to be sexually active with only one person, who has agreed to be sexually active only with you. Being in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with an uninfected partner is one of the most reliable ways to avoid STIs. But you must both be certain you are not infected with STIs. It is important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Use Condoms Correct and consistent use of the male latex condom is highly effective in reducing STI transmission. Use a condom every time you have anal, vaginal, or oral sex. If you have latex allergies, synthetic non-latex condoms can be used. But it is important to note that these condoms have higher breakage rates than latex condoms. Natural membrane condoms are not recommended for STI prevention. Put Yourself to the Test Knowing your STI status is a critical step to stopping STI transmission. If you know you are infected you can take steps to protect yourself and your partners. Be sure to ask your healthcare provider to test you for STIs — asking is the only way to know whether you are receiving the right tests. And don’t forget to tell your partner to ask a healthcare provider about STD testing as well. Many STIs can be easily diagnosed and treated. If either you or your partner is infected, both of you need to receive treatment at the same time to avoid getting re-infected. Local Clinics

How To Choose A Lube The Big Lube Guide For many people with a vagina, irregardless of arousal, they need lube – whether it’s just how their body is, or it’s a side effect of a medication they’re on, or it’s part of their health issues OR the sex toy they’re using is particularly textured. It’s normal to use lube! But not all lube is created equal. In fact, I’m sorry to tell you that most readily-available commercial lubes SUCK. Plus, the best lube for sex (vaginal) may not be the best lube for anal sex and may not be the best lube for masturbation. Chances are pretty good that if you’re using a quality sex toy made from body-safe materials and you are experiencing irritation and burning anyways, the irritation and burning is coming from your lube. Whether it’s bad for you, bad all around, or it went bad. Yes, lube does expire! And most of us aren’t about to make yam lube, either, so I’ve gotta help you find the best commercial lubes out there that won’t poison your genitals. Explain it Like I’m 5 – What’s Osmolality? LUBE-OSMO-QUICK We’ve got three situations – the best is if the lube is iso-osmotic – meaning your cells and the lube sit there next to each other, happy, making each other better. They’re content. If the osmolality is low, i.e. hypo-osmotic, then the lube is like my Italian best friend’s mom – eat, eat! It’s feeding the cells too much water, and at some point they will burst. When does this matter the most? If you’re trying to conceive. Hypo-osmotic lubes would kill the lil swimmers. The most common situation is when the osmolality is high, i.e. hyper-osmotic. It’s the vampire situation – the lube comes in all charming at first and things seem okay. The lube feels really slippery, which is great! But it’s slippery because it’s drinking the moisture from your cells. When they have no more to give, they are dead and dry. The outer layer of cells will slough off and leave your mucus lining very vulnerable, like standing in a snowstorm without winter gear. STI transmission can increase and at-risk people are at greater risk for infections – this is the same group of people who need to use more lube than the average person. Diabetics, those with a compromised immune system, those undergoing treatment for cancer, etc. If your partner has Herpes, you’re doing everything you can to avoid transmission – consider the lube, as well. Stick to iso-osmotic lubes. Molality is defined as the amount of substance (measured in mol) of solute, divided by the mass (in kg) of solvent, (not the mass of the solution). In other words, it’s the measurement of the mass of the stuff that’s dissolved in a liquid. Osmolality is a variation of molality that only takes into account solutes that contribute to a solution’s osmotic pressure, and Osmotic Pressure in this instance is the measure of the tendency of a solution to take in water by osmosis. Unfortunately we’re largely left to guess when it comes to osmolality because only a small handful of lubes have been tested. In addition to those listed in this chart I found a few extra listed here (including Probe brand which seems to be pretty close to iso-osmotic) and I also contacted the makers of System Jo lube who say that the Agape version is at 350 and the new version of H2O (which will be released in October) will have an osmolality of 200 (current is 800). We can make educated guesses on the osmolality by knowing a few things: that certain ingredients cause the osmolality to increase. So by avoiding those ingredients we can have a better shot at a lube that plays nice with our body. Of course, you can also avoid this by using coconut oil or silicone-based lubes. We don’t know how osmolality affects hybrid lubes (which are water-based with a little silicone added) because no one has ever tested them. Do they suddenly get to skip the rulebook because of the small amount of silicone? Maybe? But to stay safe, pick hybrids with very few ingredients. LUBE-Osmolality Second you need to consider pH. pH results are easy to come by – you can buy pH test strips yourself and test out your lube (or your mucus) at home if it’s not on this list below. The pH of the vagina can range from 3.5 – 7 depending on where you are in your cycle, if you have an infection, if you’re pre/post menopausal, etc. Post-menopausal women tend to have a higher pH. Higher pH is also associated with bacterial vaginosis but it can also be the normal course of cycle for you. Anal lubes need a higher pH so a lube that is good for your lower-pH vagina could really sting when used for buttsex. Let’s go back to the vagina though for a minute. If you’re trying to conceive, you need a slightly higher pH as well to be friendly to sperm. Lubes with a low pH can sting and burn. Lubes with a higher pH than the vagina can bring on yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis OR just feel itchy (butt or vag) without the infection. Notice how Replens, once again, seems to be unfriendly to the very group it is targeted at? That’s considerably lower than it should be. The pH numbers below are less disconcerting, overall, versus the osmolality ratings but you should still refer to this chart. In addition to the glory of Sliquid there are other stand-out brands, but we have lubes that ranked super high in osmolality ranking right on target in pH. But that doesn’t make them okay because the next factor is…. LUBE-pH INGREDIENTS! READ YOUR LABELS! Sometimes there are so many scientific words in the ingredients list that we don’t even know what they are. Are they safe? Will they burn, are they a known irritant? There are a lot of problematic ingredients and this goes way beyond parabens. In fact, it’s been suggested that parabens might not be the Big Bad Monster – studies about the effects of parabens have been done by feeding mass doses of it to mice…naturally, they’re going to experience bad side effects! You may never use enough lube to rack up enough parabens to cause cancer but some people are allergic to parabens. Of course, paraben is also a xenoestrogen, but a weak one. Xenoestrogens can have a feminizing effect on masculine bodies and masculinizing effects on feminine bodies. The other top two ingredients to avoid are glycerin(e) and propylene glycol. Both of these greatly increase the osmolality of the lube (making it a lube to avoid) and both can cause sensitivities (and for some, yeast infections). Other lube ingredients are listed below and any of them can cause irritation in addition to: increased STI transmission; killing off of the good bacteria; increase of bad bacteria; allergic reactions. AVOID: Glycerin(e), Propylene Glycol, Nonoxynol 9, Chlorhexedine Gluconate, Petroleum Oils, Polyquaternium-15, Benzocaine, Sugars & Sugar Alcohols, Ureas Why you should avoid Benzocaine. It numbs you, which is not really a good thing. I am unsure if the numbing creams for premature ejaculation will transfer the numbing agent to the vagina, but benzocaine is an irritant. Benzocaine used for those experiencing painful sex or those wanting to make anal play less scary is just a bad idea because pain is your body’s way of saying HEY STOP. You can end up with injuries, microtears to the delicate tissue, and major problems. A note for Celiacs or those with extreme gluten-sensitivity: Avoid “Oat Beta Glucan” which is found in Sutil. I contacted the company about that ingredient (because not all oat is contaminated with gluten, but some super sensitive people react to oats no matter what) and they have confirmed that there is gluten present in that lube. When I was trying it out I also licked it and it made me ill for a day, so it’s enough gluten that if gluten makes you sick even in tiny quantities, avoid this lube. Avoid Vitamin E (tocopherals) unless the company can assure you they are not derived from a gluten-containing grain. These can also be derived from soy, for those with soy allergies. Sliquid’s Organics line uses Vitamin E and this is what they have to say about it: Our Natural Tocopherols are extracted from wheat germ, sunflower, and safflower oils. One thing to keep in mind (and you can find this info on http://glutenfreedietitian.com and other sites) is that refined oils are exempt from allergen labeling by the Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act, and the European Food Safety Authority, because the refining process renders them virtually free (undetectable) of allergenic proteins. Consuming refined wheat germ oil is still not recommended for anyone with a gluten allergy, however, there is still another refining step where the Vitamin E (tocopherol) is extracted from the refined oil. Add to that, the amount of Natural Tocopherols in any one bottle of Sliquid Organics is less than 5%. For a highly sensitive person, or someone who just wants to be extra careful, we would suggest the Naturals line from Sliquid. In fact, for anyone with any food allergy, we recommend Sliquid Naturals, just to be safe. Note: if your lube is paraben-free it can go bad much more quickly. There are preservatives that are natural but they don’t seem to do quite as good a job as paraben preservatives. Keep an eye on the color of your lube and the odor. If it’s off, toss it. Try to avoid pump bottles (air = bacteria) or sticking your finger in the lube bottle. RESEARCH YOUR INGREDIENTS: Lately I’ve been looking into various lubes when someone has mentioned that they caused burning/irritation, and I’m finding even more weird and suspect ingredients. I usually just Google the individual ingredients and read over the first few results. Some sites will make something sound worse than it is, some will whitewash it. Some will confuse you. I mean why would you put an abrasive agent that’s normally found in toothpaste, in a lube? But there it was, in a System Jo arousal gel (and shamefully, System Jo doesn’t publish ingredients so thank goodness for reviews). UNDERSTAND SENSITIZERS: If in your research you find that an ingredient is referred to as a “sensitizer” it means that the likelihood a person will react to these ingredients depends on how much they’ve used them – sensitivity it cumulative and increases with use. This means you can find yourself not reacting at first, but reacting after your 2nd or 3rd bottle or even 4th or 5th use of the first bottle. UREAS are one example of sensitizers, and you’ll find these in a lot of cosmetic ingredients (so they’re a common irritant to sensitive-skinned people). LUBE-Irritants What about the FDA? What about lubes that make medical claims? A bunch of experts were polled on their thoughts about the FDA and lube. Most said “oh, absolutely, we welcome the FDA, the FDA knows best!”. But as Sarah Mueller pointed out – the FDA doesn’t always know best. They approved Nonoxynol 9, after all, and it’s been shown to INCREASE STI transmission! The FDA testing process doesn’t actually test how a lube will affect human genitals! They test it on rabbits – their eyeballs and vaginas. In fact it really does seem like the FDA cares about two things: that you pay your fee (which can range from $20,000 to $300,000) and that you either do animal testing or go to much length to prove you do NOT need animal testing. So what if you wanted only lubes that are FDA-approved? Well let’s consider that the awful KY Yours-And-Mine duo (hideous ingredients) is FDA approved. Surgilube is FDA-approved. Another troubling fact: If your lube is FDA-approved then you DO NOT have to list your ingredients. Anywhere. This spells trouble for those that are high risk or have allergies. Just consider Surgilube – they say it’s proprietary so they won’t tell you even if you ask because of allergies. Just because it’s FDA-approved doesn’t mean it’ll be iso-osmotic, a good pH or free from common irritants. The FDA-approval process for lubes needs a major overhaul before I think it’s something Good For The Public. STI Prevention Claims Something I’m seeing a sharp increase in is lubes containing carrageenan, and the lube companies making claims about STI prevention. There have been some studies on this and they’ve had positive results, but a lot more research needs to be done. I would, for now, be wary of these claims. Just because a lube with this ingredient, for this claim, is FDA-approved does not mean it can prevent the spread of an STI. They’re not stamping a seal of approval or efficacy. One such FDA-approved lube is called Divine 9 / Carraguard, from Carrashield Laboratories. They make some grand, yet vague, claims on their website that might lead you to believe that they’ve proven that their lube can prevent the spread of certain STIs but you have to really hunt and read for the truth: The excellent results in the NCI laboratory studies have led to the launch of three large scale human clinical trials using Divine 9. These are the only three human clinical trials in the world on HPV prevention using a topical gel and Divine 9 is featured in all three. While no conclusive evidence exists yet that Divine 9 with CarraShield will block HPV in humans, the results of the NCI tests were compelling enough to justify multi-million dollar investments in these three Phase 2 human trials. CarraShield Labs will provide updates as the data collection continues. At this time CarraShield Labs makes no medical claims about Divine 9 and provides this information strictly for educational purposes. So they’ve gotten it classified as a medical device and gone for FDA-approval to give the idea of something grand and medicinal, but the tests aren’t conclusive and there haven’t been enough tests, or tests on humans. The human tests aren’t concluded, I believe. Basically, anytime you see a lube making any claim that it can help prevent the spread of any STI, don’t believe them. The large-scale clinical trials and conclusive results are not here yet. When they happen it will be major news. LUBE RECOMMENDATIONS: First I want to say that osmolality and pH and ingredients don’t play a role in pure plant oils like coconut oil, or silicone lubes. We don’t know what role they play in hybrid lubes (which can be really awesome – there’s not really enough silicone in a hybrid lube to fuck up most silicone sex toys, but it’s enough to give that slippery, long-lasting appeal). Check the ingredients on the hybrids and avoid the bad stuff if you’re sensitive. Unfortunately, even some of these good lubes can irritate very sensitive people sometimes. While the amount of citric acid in lubes like Sliquid is small, sometimes it’s enough to irritate someone. I understand that most people don’t want to buy their lubes online but unless your local drugstore carries Good Clean Love (some do) or Sliquid (rare) the brands I’d recommend are going to be found online. This isn’t the most accessible, I know, but for many people it’s necessary. If you care about what’s going in your body and strive for non-porous body-safe sex toys, consider overhauling your lube kit, too. I would recommend the following lubes based on ingredients, pH and known/assumed osmolality: Water-based Lubes: All Sliquid brand (and their Organics line) are good on the osmolality, pH and ingredients lines. Organics line can have aloe which can present issues for some and all Sliquid has a small amount of citric acid as a preservative. Only the most sensitive would be bothered by it. Try: • Sassy for a thicker anal lube and H20 for a thinner lube – Both of these are free of aloe • Sea also has aloe; it contains carrageenan which MAY help prevent the spread of HPV, plus other oceanics-ingredients to help with inflammation and dryness • Sliquid Pack to try out various types • While I prefer that you shop for lube at sex toy stores, Amazon does carry Sliquid if you just need to purchase lube and not sex toys. • Lovehoney US and Lovehoney UK carry some Sliquid lubes, but not all. • Smitten Kitten carries a few of the Sliquid Organics lubes • The Organics Line has some organic ingredients and all of them contain Vitamin E and Aloe, amongst other natural stuffs. Good Clean Love 2 is a good brand, also, for pH and ingredients. Definitely check out the Almost Naked variety. I’ve got a review here! Love the stuff! • SheVibe seems to carry the whole line • Smitten Kitten carries two GCL products • Amazon also carries Good Clean Love Smitten Kitten, a progressive queer-and-female-friendly shop based in Minnesota, carries brands that many other sex toy stores don’t. • Hathor Aphrodesia – they have Sutil which sells like hotcakes; it is much longer-lasting than most water-based lubes on the market. The regular H.A. has some interesting ingredients like Horny Goat Weed which can contribute to bad taste. Note: Sutil contains Oat Beta Glucan, which is a gluten ingredient. Company has confirmed there is gluten in the lube. • WaterSlide which could be really great for those sensitive to most ingredients – it’s a thin, slippery lube with nearly no taste. • Aloe Cadabra which rates well on taste, too. • Southern Butter’s Bliss On is rated well by SK. There is some alcohol in it, but so far no one has reported irritation. • Smitten Kitten’s curated sample packs. Each pack contains 5-6 lube samples from different brands, all of them true, body-safe lubes. They’ll also send you their Lube Info pamphlet. SheVibe carries: • Probe is good on both osmolality and pH and is formulated to feel more like natural vaginal lubrication • Coconu has a water-based lube that looks good • Blossom Organics looks decent, but contains Vitamin E and I can’t get an answer on the source so those with soy allergies and gluten limitations should steer clear Goodvibes has their own Please brand. The Liquid and Gel are the water-based. I found another option through Amazon. Astroglide makes a Naturals lube that is shockingly free of any crap ingredients. I don’t know where it falls on the osmolality scale; sensitive folks should pay attention to the ingredients for anything they might find irritating. YES brand is under FDA scrutiny and a sort of “lockdown” for import into the US while they wait on becoming FDA-certified. But I’d heard so much good stuff about this brand that I had to locate it. You can find it on Amazon and according to YES, it should be genuine YES brand lube. How they’re doing it, I don’t know; the seller must be partnered with a European seller. You can find YES brand at Lovehoney US and Lovehoney UK, because all Lovehoney US orders come from the UK. Hybrid Lubes These are awesome because they combine the toy-safety of water-based with just a littttttle silicone (how much varies between brands). Now since silicone doesn’t affect osmolality or pH, and there haven’t been studies on hybrids, we don’t know how hybrids fare on osmolality or pH. So for that reason I still say to avoid osmolality-raising ingredients and irritants. I used to enjoy Wet’s Syngery lube but it has ingredients I can’t recommend. Spunk lube seems to have some popularity but it contains every ingredient I tell you to avoid! Plus there are multiple silicones in it and they’re high up on the list, which means it may not play as nice with silicone toys. These three are the only ones I can find that meet my requirements for safe ingredients. • Sliquid Silk – Found at: SheVibe, Early to Bed, Tantus, and Amazon • Sliquid Organics Silk – Found at: SheVibe, Early to Bed, and Amazon • GoodVibes Please Cream comes highly recommended. It does contain some alcohol in the middle of the ingredients list, and citric acid at the end, so there’s a chance for irritation. Plant-Based Oil Lubes Naturally there’s good ole plain coconut oil – please be sure you get the right kind though! It has to be unrefined, virgin coconut oil – don’t get the liquid/fractionated. Read this guide for all the ins and outs of using coconut oil. I feel that pure coconut oil is perhaps the best starting point for vaginas stretching out into the plant-based oil lube world, as we know that coconut oil is low-comedogenic and anti-microbial (can help with infections). There’s also Sliquid’s oil blend to consider or YES brand oil blend available at Amazon or Lovehoney US / UK. Also look at The Butters, soon to be in a retail store near you, I hope. I don’t recommend Coconu because of their sham marketing which says that silcone is practically toxic. They also hide the fact that their lube will destroy many sex toys materials and get you quickly on the road to this mess. Please note that oil lubes are not good with most condoms/protection – only nitrile and polyurethane condoms. Also to note that oil lubes should never be used on porous material sex toys like most male masturbators, TPR, PVC, etc. It’s safe with pure silicone, metal, some wood, glass, hard plastic and ceramic. LUBES AND CONDOMS I’m working on having this section fleshed out a little better. It seems that most condoms are using a silicone-based lube. What if you don’t want that? What if you can’t tell what type of lube they are using? My best bet right now is to tell you to find non lubricated condoms and pair them with your own lube that you know isn’t irritating to you. SheVibe carries Atlas brand; Smitten Kitten carries Trojan Enz. Even though I go over this elsewhere, I’ll say it here: If you choose to use plant-oil based lubes (coconut oil, etc) then you must use polyurethane condoms. You can also use the nitrile-based FC2. FLAVORED LUBES Flavored lubes (or conversely, totally taste-neutral lubes) that are completely safe, pH good, osmolality good, etc etc are going to be hard to come by. I hear mixed things on the Sliquid Swirls to be honest. It seems to be very much YMMV because what one person thinks is as tasty as a Jolly Rancher, the next is ready to puke. This is a section I will be working on, both sides of the coin. FISTING POWDERS J Lube and X Lube are just a few fisting powders I’ve heard about. Basically it’s a powder, you add water and mix it up. The result is a thick gel which is economical and plentiful. J Lube was made for birthing livestock; it contains a lot of sugar and is not safe for vaginas. X Lube claims not to use sugars, but I’m not really sure about their ingredient which is listed as PEO. Wikipedia says PEO and PEG are the same thing – polyethylene glycol….a petrochemical we’re to avoid. I’m waiting on more information before passing a judgment. Vaginal Tightening/Shrink Creams and Gels I’m putting this here because I haven’t yet done a whole entire post on it. These aren’t a lube, but they’re often sold with lubes. These can be dangerous, or just won’t work. They often work by doing one of two things (or both): Drying you out on purpose or creating a mild allergic reaction. Inflammation = feeling “tighter”. Yet as you can imagine, this does a real number to your mucous lining and overall vaginal health. It increases your risk for infections and the spread of STI. It increases your risk for microtears of the vaginal wall, even. In short, it’s never a good thing. A dry vagina is not a good thing. If you want to improve vaginal health overall, buy some kegel beads. I’ve also seen herbal “teabag” like things you shove up in the vagina like a tampon and frankly, anything like that…even if it’s natural…can have adverse affects you’re not expecting. It can throw off your pH, lead to infection, you can have an allergic reaction, etc. Herbal doesn’t mean safe (unless it’s the FORIA THC “tampons” for menstrual cramps – that one is legit). FINAL TIPS If you see a gynecologist, try taking along your own lube because chances are pretty good that they’re using either KY or Surgilube, both of which are vagina poison. The doctors aren’t trained to know this stuff. If you have ever experienced dryness, irritation during sex, etc after a check-up then this is why. And when you do bring your own lube tell them why! Point them to badvibes.org to educate them on the dangers of the crappy lubes they’re using. Tips to soothe the burn of an irritating lube or a lube that is incompatible with your pH: I finally sleuthed out some tips and present them here. Irritation with some chemicals can build over time; you can be fine for awhile with the lube you have or an ingredient in your favorite lube and then one day…you’re bothered by it. It happens. If you have a vagina, you’ve read by now that your vaginal pH can change over time, or where you are in your cycle. It can be a good idea if you’re particularly sensitive to lubes to occasionally test your own pH and the pH of your favorite lube. LUBES TO AVOID KY is a hated brand. It contains an ingredient commonly found in mouthwash. That’s right, an antiseptic. This is irritating AND not necessary! Astroglide, yikes. Polyquaternium-15 promotes viral activity and is found in four different Astroglide varieties. ID Glide has never been a favorite of mine, the ingredients are crap and the osmolality is high. Pjur makes great silicone lubes, but their water-based leaves a lot to be desired. Same with Wet brand. Don’t buy lubes (or anything else that is a topical for your genitals) that don’t publish their ingredients. In my research I’ve been looking for brands/varieties to recommend and have had to leave them off the list because I can’t find the ingredients. System Jo, Spunk lube, XR Brand’s Tom of Finland lubes or Passion lubes (basically anything by XR brands), and many more. Some reviewers published the Spunk lube ingredients but there seems to be a little variation. I can’t see why any company would avoid publishing the lube ingredients, but it raises a red flag for me. Resources and other great lube articles: * Graphics, charts, and research courtesy of BadVibes.org / The Smitten Kitten * Interview with Sarah Mueller with even more tidbits about her lube research * Lorax of Sex breaks down the types of lube * Sexational! explains osmolality * Lube osmolality study Organics Natural Ingredients Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Aloe Barbadensis*, Natural Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Cyamopsis (Guar Conditioners), Extracts of Hibiscus*, Flax*, Green Tea* & Sunflower Seed*, Citric Acid (Citrus Fruits), Phenoxyethanol (Rose Ether) ↩ Ingredients: Organic Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Agar, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, Citric Acid, Natural Flavors ↩ Sutil is formulated with regenerating hyaluronic acid for dry and sensitive skin, including the genital area. Hyaluronan has the ability to bind large amounts of water to provide increased lubrication, enabling optimal regeneration of the skin. ↩ Ingredients: Purified Water, Xylitol, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Potassium ascorbyltocopheryl phosphate (Vitamins C & E), Pectin, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Phenoxyethanol. ↩

Prep Pre-exposure prophylaxis (or PrEP) is when people at very high risk for HIV take daily medicine to prevent HIV. PrEP can stop HIV from taking hold and spreading throughout your body. When taken daily, PrEP is highly effective for preventing HIV from sex or injection drug use. PrEP is much less effective when it is not taken consistently. Pre-exposure prophylaxis (or PrEP) is when people at very high risk for HIV take HIV medicines daily to lower their chances of getting infected. A combination of two HIV medicines (tenofovir and emtricitabine), sold under the name Truvada® (pronounced tru vá duh), is approved for daily use as PrEP to help prevent an HIV-negative person from getting HIV from a sexual or injection-drug-using partner who’s positive. Studies have shown that PrEP is highly effective for preventing HIV if it is used as prescribed. PrEP is much less effective when it is not taken consistently. Local Clinics

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Sex Tool Communication Talking with your partner about condoms and birth control Talking with your partner about preventing STDs and unplanned pregnancy is one of the most important things you can do to protect your sexual health. Why do I need to talk about condoms and birth control? Talking about protecting your sexual health is an important part of being sexually active. It’s normal to feel nervous about bringing up condoms and birth control, but you can totally handle this. And imagine how much more difficult it would be to bring up your STD or unplanned pregnancy. If you have penis-in-vagina (vaginal) sex, it’s really important to use both a condom and another form of birth control (like the pill or the IUD). That way you’re protected from both pregnancy and STDs. So talk about both. If you have anal sex, you need to use a condom and lubricant. For oral sex, use a condom or a dental dam. Using all this stuff is sometimes called “safer sex,” since you’re lowering your risk of pregnancy and STDs. Talking about STDs is just as important as talking about preventing pregnancy. And just because you’re not having vaginal sex doesn’t mean you don’t have to talk - STDs are a possibility with any kind of sex. If you’re not sure what to say, practice beforehand. Then, choose a good time to talk (not in the heat of the moment). If your partner refuses to use protection, then they aren’t showing respect for you or your health. How do I talk about safer sex? DO Find a time when you’re relaxed and can focus. Use “I” statements — like, “I want us to protect each other,” instead of, “You need to get on birth control.” Remind them that safer sex benefits BOTH of you. Clearly state that you want to use protection if you’re going to have sex. No protection? No sex. Tell them that using protection will allow both of you to enjoy sex more, since neither of you will have to be worrying about STDs or unplanned pregnancy. Use positive language. For example: “I want to talk with you about this because I care about you.” Make sure the conversation is a 2-way street — so talk AND listen. Try to understand their point of view and ask questions. Work together to get the protection you need. This means talking about how to get the protection you need and who’s going to pay for it, both now and in the future. DON’T Start the conversation when you’re about to have sex — that can get awkward (or a problem if you don’t have the protection you need with you). Talk about it way before you have sex, so you can make sure you’re doing all you can for protection (like going to the doctor and getting a really effective birth control method if you’re having vaginal sex). Assume they don’t like condoms. Most people use condoms, so they’ve probably thought about it, too. Saying you’re into condoms might make them more comfortable saying that they are, too. Be judgmental, aggressive, or controlling. Assume that using condoms means they’re cheating on you. People use condoms because they care about themselves and each other.

What Is Outercourse? Outercourse is a term that can be used to encompass a wide variety of sexual behaviors. Outtercourse is often used to describe frottage (dry humping), tribadism (tribbing, scissoring), or other types of sexual body rubbing that do not involve penetration. It can also include kissing, mutual masturbation, talking about sexual fantasies, and similar activities. In addition to sexual body rubbing, outercourse may also be used to describe the act of a male partner thrusting his penis to orgasm between his partner's thighs, breasts, butt cheeks, or other body parts as a simulation of intercourse. Once again, the defining factor is the lack of penetration of the vagina, mouth, or anus. This type of behavior is sometimes referred to as "dry humping." Outercourse vs Abstinence In some communities, outercourse can be used to describe any type of sexual act that does not involve vaginal penetration and thus carries little risk of pregnancy. In this way, outercourse is similar to abstinence. Abstinence also has variable definitions. For some people, abstinence is no sexual interaction at all. For others, it's anything that can't get you pregnant. As such, outercourse and abstinence are sometimes considered to be the same thing. For people who define the act of outercourse solely in terms of pregnancy risk, outercourse may include the possibility of oral and/or anal sex. Most sex educators and sexuality professionals do not use the term in this manner. Similarly, most sex educators wouldn't consider abstinence to include oral and anal sex. However, some people disagree. Benefits of Outercourse Some people use outercourse as a way to interact sexually with someone without a risk of pregnancy. It is, indeed a very good way to do that. At least, the pregnancy risk is low as long as heterosexual couples are careful about the male partner ejaculating near the vagina. (Non-male/female couples practicing outercourse aren't at risk for pregnancy, regardless.) Indeed, for some couples who practice abstinence (until marriage or just at some stage of their relationship), outercourse is sometimes a good sexual option. Body rubbing can potentially be fun and even lead to orgasm, without violating any religious strictures. That depends on the beliefs and practices in question, of course, but it can be a pleasurable activity for people whose sexual activities are restricted for religious or other reasons. Outercourse can also be an enjoyable activity for people who aren't worried about pregnancy or abstinent. People may enjoy body rubbing and other outercourse activities as either foreplay or the main event. Some people are not particularly interested in penetrative sex. Others enjoy outercourse for variety. It can be a fun way to interact with a partner who is new or old. Outercourse can also be a relatively safe form of sex for people who don't want to engage in a long safe-sex negotiation. Drawbacks of Outercourse Although body rubbing is a relatively low-risk activity, it's not completely safe sex. Outercourse can still put you at risk of certain sexually transmitted diseases that spread from skin to skin. Outercourse can be made safer with the use of condoms or other barriers. In addition, many of the activities that fall into the category of outercourse can be done with clothing on. Even naked, however, outercourse is a relatively safe activity. Skin infections can be transmitted, but compared to vaginal, oral, or anal sex, it's pretty low risk. It's even used as a risk-reduction technique for individuals with HIV. That said, before engaging in outercourse with a new partner, it's a good idea to negotiate your preferences and boundaries. Not everyone agrees on what outercourse is, so it's a good idea to be sure what both of you are interested in and agreeing to. Fully clothed frottage is a very different level of intimacy from simulated intercourse between the thighs, buttocks, or other body parts. Can Outercourse Lead to Intercourse? Some people claim that one of the drawbacks of outercourse is that it can lead to intercourse. It's true that some sexual enjoyment may lead to people wanting more. However, the idea that one activity automatically leads to another is highly problematic. It makes it seem as though people don't have any sexual agency. The truth is, even if outercourse leads you to wanting intercourse, you can choose whether or not you want to have intercourse. (That's also true if you're not having outercourse!) The idea that intercourse is a risk of outercourse also implies that outercourse can't be sexually satisfying in and of itself. It certainly can. Penetration isn't the be all end all of sexual activity. People can have fulfilling sex lives without penetration, sometimes without even taking their clothes off!

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Abstinence What’s Abstinence? Sexual abstinence is defined as refraining from all forms of sexual activity and genital contact such as vaginal, oral, or anal sex.