Cost of Diapers and Formula The average baby goes through six to 10 diapers a day, which, according to the National Diaper Bank Network, can set you back $70 to $80 per month, or about $900 a year. If you choose not to breastfeed, formula can cost up to $150 per month, or about $1,800 a year. ​

Genital Herpes Genital herpes is a common sexually transmitted infection (STI) that any sexually active person can get. Most people with the virus don’t have symptoms. Even without signs of the disease, herpes can still be spread to sex partners. What is Genital Herpes? Genital herpes is an STD caused by two types of viruses. The viruses are called herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) and herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2). What is Oral herpes? Oral herpes is usually caused by HSV-1 and can result in cold sores or fever blisters on or around the mouth. However, most people do not have any symptoms. Most people with oral herpes were infected during childhood or young adulthood from non-sexual contact with saliva. Is there a link between genital herpes and oral herpes? Oral herpes caused by HSV-1 can be spread from the mouth to the genitals through oral sex. This is why some cases of genital herpes are caused by HSV-1. How common is genital herpes? Genital herpes is common in the United States. More than one out of every six people aged 14 to 49 years have genital herpes. How is genital herpes spread? You can get genital herpes by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the disease. If you do not have herpes, you can get infected if you come into contact with the herpes virus in: A herpes sore; Saliva (if your partner has an oral herpes infection) or genital secretions (if your partner has a genital herpes infection); Skin in the oral area if your partner has an oral herpes infection, or skin in the genital area if your partner has a genital herpes infection. You can get herpes from a sex partner who does not have a visible sore or who may not know he or she is infected. It is also possible to get genital herpes if you receive oral sex from a sex partner who has oral herpes. You will not get herpes from toilet seats, bedding, or swimming pools, or from touching objects around you such as silverware, soap, or towels. If you have additional questions about how herpes is spread, consider discussing your concerns with a healthcare provider. 85% of adults have had oral sex. Is it safer? How can I reduce my risk of getting genital herpes? The only way to avoid STDs is to not have vaginal, anal, or oral sex. If you are sexually active, you can do the following things to lower your chances of getting genital herpes: Be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who is not infected with an STD (e.g., a partner who has been tested and has negative STD test results); Using latex condoms the right way every time you have sex. Be aware that not all herpes sores occur in areas that are covered by a latex condom. Also, herpes virus can be released (shed) from areas of the skin that do not have a visible herpes sore. For these reasons, condoms may not fully protect you from getting herpes. If you are in a relationship with a person known to have genital herpes, you can lower your risk of getting genital herpes if: Your partner takes an anti-herpes medication every day. This is something your partner should discuss with his or her doctor. You avoid having vaginal, anal, or oral sex when your partner has herpes symptoms (i.e., when your partner is having an outbreak). I’m pregnant. How could genital herpes affect my baby? If you are pregnant and have genital herpes, it is very important for you to go to prenatal care visits. Tell your doctor if you have ever had symptoms of, or have been diagnosed with, genital herpes. Also tell your doctor if you have ever been exposed to genital herpes. There is some research that suggests that genital herpes infection may lead to miscarriage, or could make it more likely for you to deliver your baby too early. Herpes infection can be passed from you to your unborn child before birth but is more commonly passed to your infant during delivery. This can lead to a potentially deadly infection in your baby (called neonatal herpes). It is important that you avoid getting herpes during pregnancy. If you are pregnant and have genital herpes, you may be offered anti-herpes medicine towards the end of your pregnancy. This medicine may reduce your risk of having signs or symptoms of genital herpes at the time of delivery. At the time of delivery, your doctor should carefully examine you for herpes sores. If you have herpes symptoms at delivery, a ‘C-section’ is usually performed. How do I know if I have genital herpes? Most people who have genital herpes have no symptoms, or have very mild symptoms. You may not notice mild symptoms or you may mistake them for another skin condition, such as a pimple or ingrown hair. Because of this, most people who have herpes do not know it. Herpes sores usually appear as one or more blisters on or around the genitals, rectum or mouth. The blisters break and leave painful sores that may take a week or more to heal. These symptoms are sometimes called “having an outbreak.” The first time someone has an outbreak they may also have flu-like symptoms such as fever, body aches, or swollen glands. People who experience an initial outbreak of herpes can have repeated outbreaks, especially if they are infected with HSV-2. Repeat outbreaks are usually shorter and less severe than the first outbreak. Although the infection stays in the body for the rest of your life, the number of outbreaks may decrease over time. You should be examined by your doctor if you notice any of these symptoms or if your partner has an STD or symptoms of an STD. STD symptoms can include an unusual sore, a smelly genital discharge, burning when urinating, or (for women) bleeding between periods. How will my doctor know if I have herpes? Your healthcare provider may diagnose genital herpes by simply looking at your symptoms. Providers can also take a sample from the sore(s) and test it. In certain situations, a blood test may be used to look for herpes antibodies. Have an honest and open talk with your health care provider and ask whether you should be tested for herpes or other STDs. Please note: A herpes blood test can help determine if you have herpes infection. It cannot tell you who gave you the infection or how long you have been infected. Can herpes be cured? There is no cure for herpes. However, there are medicines that can prevent or shorten outbreaks. One of these anti-herpes medicines can be taken daily, and makes it less likely that you will pass the infection on to your sex partner(s). What happens if I don’t get treated? Genital herpes can cause painful genital sores and can be severe in people with suppressed immune systems. If you touch your sores or the fluids from the sores, you may transfer herpes to another part of your body, such as your eyes. Do not touch the sores or fluids to avoid spreading herpes to another part of your body. If you do touch the sores or fluids, immediately wash your hands thoroughly to help avoid spreading your infection. If you are pregnant, there can be problems for you and your developing fetus, or newborn baby. See “I’m pregnant. How could genital herpes affect my baby?” above for information about this. Can I still have sex if I have herpes? If you have herpes, you should talk to your sex partner(s) and let him or her know that you do and the risk involved. Using condoms may help lower this risk but it will not get rid of the risk completely. Having sores or other symptoms of herpes can increase your risk of spreading the disease. Even if you do not have any symptoms, you can still infect your sex partners. You may have concerns about how genital herpes will impact your overall health, sex life, and relationships. It is best for you to talk to a health care provider about those concerns, but it also is important to recognize that while herpes is not curable, it can be managed with medication. Daily suppressive therapy (i.e., daily use of antiviral medication) for herpes can also lower your risk of spreading genital herpes to your sex partner. Be sure to discuss treatment options with your healthcare provider. Since a genital herpes diagnosis may affect how you will feel about current or future sexual relationships, it is important to understand how to talk to sexual partners about STIs. What is the link between genital herpes and HIV? Herpes infection can cause sores or breaks in the skin or lining of the mouth, vagina, and rectum. This provides a way for HIV to enter the body. Even without visible sores, having genital herpes increases the number of CD4 cells (the cells that HIV targets for entry into the body) found in the lining of the genitals. When a person has both HIV and genital herpes, the chances are higher that HIV will be spread to an HIV-uninfected sex partner during sexual contact with their partner’s mouth, vagina, or rectum. < Previous Next > ​

CHLAMYDIA TESTIMONIALS I've been married for four years. Never a problem. Never needed condoms. We have separated for three months. After reuniting I am diagnosed with chlamydia. I haven't been with anyone. She claims the same. Male patient, 44 Name, Title Previous Next 40 to 49

Healthy Relationship What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like? Many people are unsure of what to look for, or worse yet, they don't know all the positives that they truly deserve to have within a relationship. If someone grew up watching their parents or other family members act out chronically toxic patterns, then that person may very well come to define those patterns as "normal" and have difficulty understanding the baseline of what a good relationship looks like. With that in mind, here is a place to start. Healthy, functional relationships have these characteristics — which apply especially to committed romantic relationships. They shouldn't be optional. And when they are missing, it's important to address the problem. 1. Trust Trust is arguably among the most important relationship characteristics. Without trust, there is the lack of a solid foundation on which to build emotional intimacy, and your potential for hurt — over and over again — grows ever bigger. Without trust, you will be left constantly unsure of whether you can count on your partner to come through for you, and whether or not they really mean what they are saying. There are many ways to build and rebuild trust within a relationship, but if you are not on the path to doing so, your relationship is quite vulnerable to stress and uncertainty. 2. Communication Communicating honestly and respectfully, especially about things that are difficult, is something that does not come automatically to everyone. We may have learned to keep uncomfortable things under the surface for the sake of harmony or the appearance of perfection, or we also may have never even learned how to acknowledge difficult feelings to ourselves. Other challenges involve escalating a conflict into a full-out war: lacking the ability to not take things over-personally or lashing out when we feel threatened. It's okay if you have these tendencies; what's important is that you work on them, as strong and healthy communication is the lifeblood that nourishes good relationships. 3. Patience No one can be perfectly patient all the time, and factors like lack of sleep, stress, or physical health problems will make you more easily agitated at various points in your life — that's part of being human. But partners in a healthy, loving relationship extend each other a basic common denominator of patience that allows for peace, flexibility, and support when one person is having a bad day or is not at their best. When partners are chronically impatient with each other, they often create a dynamic of bean-counting and resentment, where they are mentally racking up the "offenses" that the other partner has committed. Being able to adjust to the ebbs and flows of a partner's moods in day-to-day life — within reason — can instead allow a feeling of being unconditionally loved. 4. Empathy Being willing to take another person's perspective is helpful in so many cases — whether in parenting, being a good neighbor, or even just letting someone merge in front of you on the highway. But it is arguably most important with the person you've chosen as a partner. Can you truly put forth the effort to try to understand their perspective, even when you disagree with it? Does their pain spur you to try to help them feel better? Do you feel happy about their triumphs? Empathy is crucial for long-term love. 5. Affection and Interest It likely goes without saying that love should be a part of any healthy, committed romantic relationship — in fact, I didn't bother to put that on the main list. But more subtle than love is the expression of that love in the form of affection and also a genuine interest — a liking of each other. Small physical gestures of affection, like hugs, kisses, and comforting touch, can go a long way to keeping each person feeling comforted and secure within their relationship. There is no one "right" amount of physical affection within a relationship — as long as both partners feel comfortable with how their needs match up. The same is true of physical intimacy. As for the "like" factor, this goes further than love — it means that you are truly interested in each other and fond of each other, and that you are together out of attraction (even if no longer the physical infatuation of the early days) rather than obligation. 6. Flexibility You've heard it before — relationships take compromise. And while some things don't allow for a perfect scenario on that front (you can't decide to have half a child, for instance), the key component that makes for good compromise is important no matter what: flexibility. It's important that both partners show flexibility in day-to-day life and decision-making, because if it is just one partner always doing the bending, that imbalance can grow toxic over time. In healthy relationships, both partners are willing to adjust as needed to the changes and growth — positive and negative — that may come about during a long-term relationship. And they are able to evaluate on a joint level, especially during conflicts, what matters most to each person within the relationship, and how that should be prioritized. Two partners who are never willing to bend to meet the other will be on separate paths altogether before long — a far cry from truly sharing a life together. 7. Appreciation The research about the importance of gratitude within relationships is striking; it makes us feel happier and more secure with our partners. And the more that we feel that gratitude, the more we feel appreciated for who we are within relationships, which also improves the relationship's well-being. Even small expressions of gratitude and appreciation can help improve relationship satisfaction. So the next time you think it doesn't matter whether you say "thank you" for something your partner did, think again. And perhaps consider the negative feelings all of us tend to have when we notice a lack of appreciation over time. 8. Room for Growth Relationships grow stale not just because a certain amount of time has elapsed, but because people feel stuck and unable to progress, either as individuals or as a couple. It is unrealistic — and downright unhealthy — to expect that two people will remain the exact same across months, years, and decades of a relationship. Hopes, fears, goals, and interests constantly evolve, and that is a very good thing. A relationship doesn't have to end or even suffer because of this, as long as both people allow each other the space to grow, by not pigeonholing each other into their younger selves, by trying to take an interest in learning what's important to the other person, and by not setting expectations that are inflexible. 9. Respect We often associate the concept of respect with people or concepts that are not intimate with each other: respecting one's elders, respecting symbols of religious faith, or respecting authority. But respect is every bit as important within a close partnership, if not more so. In healthy relationships, people talk to each other in ways that don't debase, invalidate, or belittle. They value each other's time and opinions like they value their own. They protect each other's privacy and don't use each other as the butt of jokes or as hired help to constantly clean up the apartment or make a thankless dinner. When respect begins to erode within a relationship, it is a long and painstaking road to build it back — the damage is far easier to do than undo. 10. Reciprocity In healthy partnerships, the tallying that early relationships show ("He picked me up at the airport last week, so I owe him a favor") fades into the background as a new, trusting equilibrium takes its place — you both just generally do for each other when needed. In an ideal situation, the give-and-take roughly works out to equal over time, and neither partner feels resentful. Of course, in many relationships, the give-and-take won't ever become equal (e.g., one partner needs long-term medical care, is naturally a more happily nurturing person, or struggles with a psychological disorder). And that can be okay, as long as both partners feel comfortable overall with the level of give-and-take as it exists, and they each find a way to give something to the relationship and their partners — especially in the form of emotional support — when they can. 11. Healthy Conflict Resolution Much research has pointed to the fact that the way a couple argues — or doesn't — can predict a lot about their relationship's success. We tend to have rose-colored glasses about romance in American culture. We are willing to entertain conflict in the beginning (the boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, then boy-gets-girl-back-and-lives-happily-ever-after trope common in so many popular films, for instance), but once a couple rides off into the sunset together, we expect that things should be a-okay from then on out. Ironically, couples that hide their upset with one another in order to preserve the illusion of everything being perfect are probably far worse off than the couples that express their emotions and work to resolve them as they come up, even when it causes conflict. In short, healthy relationships refrain from stonewalling and escalating into personal attacks when there is a difference of opinion or a problem. They are able to talk it through with respect, empathy, and understanding. 12. Individuality and Boundaries Two people who were exactly the same would probably not have much to talk about after a while; after all, they'd already know what the other's perspective would be, so why bother to listen to it? Of course, two people who are so different that they don't share each other's values or daily styles of living are bound to have too little in common to maintain an interest in each other (at best), or be downright incompatible, disliking each other from the start (at worst). The sweet spot is a relationship where the similarities create a foundation to connect with each other, but individual differences are still respected and valued. Moreover, it's important that each partner is given the freedom to still live their own life, especially in terms of friendships, professional goals, and hobbies. A strong, healthy relationship brings to mind a Venn diagram — there is adequate overlap to keep the connection strong, but each person has aspects of their lives that are theirs alone, and that boundary is respected by both parties. 13. Openness and Honesty Different partners have different levels of openness within their relationships — some might be horrified at leaving the bathroom door open, for instance, whereas others will discuss the most intimate of physical details with each other without giving it a second thought. So too is the case with openness about hopes, dreams, and even the details of one's workday. But no matter where you fall on the spectrum of letting it all hang out, it's important that there is a solid match — and that honesty underlies whatever disclosures you do make. Partners who mask their true selves, hide their emotional realities or actively deceive their partners about their habits and behaviors are jeopardizing the fundamental foundation of trust that every relationship needs. THE SAFE PROJECT The SAFE Project provides emergency services and advocacy to survivors of domestic and sexual violence. *24-Hour Crisis Line *Emergency Shelter *Crisis Response Team *Assistance to clients who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual assault Call NOW

How Can I Protect Myself? COVID-19 spreads easily from person to person, mainly by the following routes: Between people who are in close contact with one another (within 6 feet).Through respiratory droplets produced when an infected person coughs, sneezes, breathes, sings or talks....

3 Empowering Sex Tips We Should Be Giving Young Women Like many girls, I got my first sex tips from women’s magazines. I learned how to stand to appear thinner when naked. I learned which positions put my sexiest body parts on display. I learned hundreds of ways I should touch a penis, whether I liked it or not. Sex sounded grown-up and exciting, but also scary – though I couldn’t pinpoint why. I totally see why now, though. It sounded like sex would make me an object – like once I walked through the door of a man’s (it was always presumed to be a man’s) bedroom, I’d leave my humanity on the other side of it. Actually having sex as a teenager was equally confusing. I wanted to be my partners’ hot, sexy lover and their fellow human, but it always felt like I had to pick one. When I tried to be both, they’d punish me for it. In college, after enthusiastically initiating a hookup with someone I met at a frat party, and openly enjoying it, he got behind me and air-humped me in front of his friend while I was trying to talk. It felt like his way of saying, “In case you got as much out of this as me, I’m going to make sure you still don’t leave feeling equal” – as if my comfort with the situation took the fun away from him. As if he were trying to win a game aimed at convincing me to hook up, and I wasn’t even letting him play. He’d learned it, too: that women’s role in sex was to deny or “give in to” what men wanted, not want anything themselves. (And that LGBTQIA+ people don’t exist, apparently.) I didn’t just learn this from magazines. I learned it from musicians who implicitly or explicitly referred to their sexual partners as “bitches,” “hos,” and conquests. I observed it on TV shows that existed to let men ogle naked women. I learned it from men who treated rape as “locker room” behavior. Thankfully, during college and after, I absorbed other ideas about sex and women’s role in it. Here are some of the healthier messages I got – and wish we’d all get sooner. 1. Do What You Desire, Not What You’re Just Okay With Desire was strangely absent from the sex lessons I received from adults and peers alike – or at least the desires of people other than men were absent. I learned all about men’s supposed desires. I learned men’s desires were uncontrollable. That they would try to use me to satiate them. That I had the “powerful” position of deciding if their desires would be fulfilled (if they were “nice guys” who didn’t rape, that is). In addition to erasing non-binary people, this belief system renders women incapable of consent. You can’t, after all, consent to something you don’t desire. So, until I understood that my desires mattered, sex seemed, by nature, non-consensual. No wonder it scared me. Then, in my freshmen year of college, I went to a talk about sex. And unlike other sex talks I’d attended, it didn’t reduce women to victims. “Do what you desire, not what you’re just okay with,” the speaker said. Before, I thought being okay was the most I could hope for. I thought if a guy wants to do something and you’re okay with it, it was just spiteful not to let him do it. But, as this speaker recognized, that sets you up for an unequal exchange and makes consent blurry. Instead, he suggested, say no if you’re not excited about something, and you can always change your mind. I learned another version of this advice at a cuddle party years later: “If it’s not a ‘hell yes,’ it’s a ‘no.'” By affirming people’s right to say hell yes, we help them say no when there’s no hell yes in them. And by affirming their right to say no, we make room for more hell yeses to safely come out. 2. Express What You’re Thinking – And Ask Your Partner What They’re Thinking Women’s magazines offered tips for the hottest things to say in bed, but they rarely taught me to express how I actually felt. And they also didn’t teach me how to figure out how my partners felt. Any vocalizations that happened in bed were supposed to be for the sake of a performance. Communication in the bedroom should accomplish the opposite, though: expressing what you’re truly thinking. I didn’t know it was okay to say I wanted sex, or more sex, or a different kind of sex. I didn’t know it was okay to admit the current activity was doing absolutely nothing for me. I didn’t know it was okay to say if I was in pain or to say I felt pressured into something. Those things weren’t “guaranteed to turn him on,” after all. But expressing what you’re thinking is more than okay. It should be a requirement, especially if the alternative is to be uncomfortable or unsatisfied. This also means it’s important to find out what your partners are thinking, particularly when you’re not sure what they want. Discussions of sexual violence usually paint women merely as potential victims or survivors, but we are highly capable of ignoring others’ boundaries and pressuring them. Instead of teaching women to merely compliment their partners’ sexual prowess, questions like: “Do you want this? Are you good? What do you want? Do you like that?” should be part of everyone’s vocabulary. This not only makes sex better, but it’s also vital for keeping it consensual. And no, it doesn’t “kill the mood.” In what other activity is talking to your companion considered a detraction from the fun? 3. Make Sure You’re Getting as Much Out of This as Your Partner (And Vice Versa) I put that second part in parentheses because women already know this. We’re taught it’s our job to ensure our partners are getting at least as much out of the encounter as we are. In a study on college students’ attitudes toward hookups, one woman said, “I will do everything in my power to like whoever I’m with, to get [him] off.” And here’s what another woman said of receiving pleasure in hookups: “I didn’t feel comfortable, I guess. I don’t know. I think I felt kind of guilty almost, like I felt like I was kind of subjecting [guys] to something they didn’t want to do, and I felt bad about it.” It makes sense, then, that men are more likely to receive oral sex than women during college hookups, and both teen boys and girls say oral is a bigger deal when it’s performed on a woman. I always thought I understood that I deserved as much as my partners. It seems like common sense that both people should get something equal out of every exchange, right? But like the latter student, I never expected orgasms from my sexual encounters. Since I wasn’t getting them, I assumed my body was just too difficult, even though it wasn’t difficult when I was on my own. That’s what we’re taught: “Women are harder to please. Our bodies are ‘tricky.’ Men are microwaves, while women are ovens.” (Wrongfully assuming that all women are cisgender, these statements usually attribute such differences to sexual anatomy.) Then, when we don’t get much pleasure out of sex, we think, “Welp, that’s just my body being all womanly and complicated again.” No. It’s not. It could be a number of things, like anxiety getting in the way, lack of knowledge on your or your partners’ part, or a lack of effort on their part. But it’s not the inevitable result of you being a woman. We deserve to stop resigning ourselves to “meh” sex lives, and go after what we want. The idea that we shouldn’t pursue our desires sets us back in all sorts of ways outside the bedroom. It’s time we take back our right to pleasure in all areas. What all these tips basically boil down to is: “It’s totally valid to have a sexuality, express it, and expect others to care about it.” I never cease to be amazed by how confused people are when women have a sexuality. When I talk about masturbation, porn, or anything else to even suggest I’m a sexual being, one of several things happens: People assume I’m looking to be subservient to men because I’m obviously just sexual for them. They resent me for seeking my own pleasure. They assume I’m just hypersexual and “out-there.” When people react negatively to women being sexual, what they’re really doing is reacting negatively to women being human. And when we teach women not to be sexual and just be sexy, we’re denying their humanity. Of course, women – and everyone – can be sexy if they want. But they also, unconditionally, deserve the right to be sexual, whether they’re sexy or not. I hope that one day, it’ll be normal for a woman to have a sexuality – because that’ll mean people will honor her expression of it. I also hope people abandon the cliché “women want this, men want that” model of sex and honor the sexualities of people of all different genders and sexual orientations. And I hope we can move toward that by giving everyone these alternative “sex tips.” WEBSITE

Teen Feminist I am in the 2013-2014 class of Teen Advisors for the United Nations Foundation organization Girl Up, which is dedicated to empowering girls in the United States and helping girls in developing countries get the education they need. I created this blog because I don't want any teenage feminists to feel alone, or like they are not supported. It is important for young girls to be exposed to activism, and to know that they are supported whole-heartedly. Girls should feel that they have the power to speak out for themselves, because people will listen. WEBSITE

Coming Out What is “coming out”? “Coming out” is understanding your own sexual orientation or gender identity and then deciding to share it with some or all of the people in your life. Coming out is different for everyone and there are lots of ways to do it. Some LGBTQ people choose to come out only to themselves, and not to anyone else. Only you can know what’s best for your life right now. Learn more about coming out. Should I come out? Coming out is a decision that LGBTQ people have to face all the time, with every new person they meet. So it’s something you’ll probably do over and over again throughout your life. The way you approach and experience coming out might change, depending on where you are and who you’re with. Coming out is a very personal decision. You — and only you — get to decide if, when, and how you do it. Coming out can be a really important step, and people should only come out if and when they’re ready and feel safe doing so. It’s never ok to pressure someone into coming out or to out a LGBTQ person without their permission. You might want to start by talking with other people who are LGBTQ. Sometimes it’s also helpful to talk to adults you trust, like a counselor, social worker, teacher, or supportive family member, to help you decide when you want to come out, and who to come out to. For all people — and young people especially — gender and sexuality can change and evolve over time. It might take you a while to fully understand your own sexual orientation and gender identity, and these things can shift as you get older. Sharing a big part of who you are as a person during the time that you’re trying to figure it all out can be complicated. For a lot of people, coming out can be a great experience — especially if they have support from their friends, families, and communities. While it can make your relationships better and make you feel great, it can also feel scary depending on who you’re coming out to and what you think their reaction will be. And unfortunately in some places there’s a lot of homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia — fear and hatred of people who are LGBTQ. If you think coming out might cause you harm — physical, emotional, or financial — you may decide to wait to come out until you have a plan to take care of yourself.

Who Can I Talk To About My Sexual Orientation? Lots of people assume that everyone around them is straight, or have old-fashioned ideas about what LGBTQ people are like. That can make you feel bad about yourself, especially if you’ve ever been bullied about it. But actually, you’re not alone at all, and it definitely doesn’t make you bad. It may not seem like it in high school, but being LGBTQ is pretty common — and it’s a huge source of pride and happiness for lots of people. Talking with someone you trust, someone who’s going through the same thing as you, or has gone through it in the past, can really help. Here are some ways you can find people to talk with. Going to a Gay/Straight Alliance meeting at your school Visiting your local LGBTQ community center Q Chat Space is a way for LGBTQ+ teens to connect with each other through live-chat group discussions — no matter where they are. Checking with your nearest health center for other resources in your area Checking out LGBTQ organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), The Trevor Project, and Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Searching for online communities of LGBTQ people Thinking about this stuff can bring out a lot of feelings. If you’re having a really hard time, the Trevor Project has a 24/7 hotline where you can talk about what’s going on. 1-866-488-7386 Remember that deciding who to come out to and when is totally up to you. Figuring out your sexual orientation and coming out are both processes — they take time. Don’t rush yourself.

STI Risk And Oral Sex Many sexually transmitted diseases (STIs) can be spread through oral sex. Using a condom, dental dam or other barrier method each and every time you have oral sex can reduce the risk of giving or getting an STI. Fast Facts Many sexually transmitted diseases (STIs) can be spread through oral sex. Using a condom, dental dam or other barrier method each and every time you have oral sex can reduce the risk of giving or getting an STI. Although oral sex may carry a lower risk for spreading HIV than other forms of sex, repeated unprotected exposures may increase risk of transmission. What is Oral Sex? Oral sex involves using the mouth, lips, or tongue to stimulate the penis (fellatio), vagina (cunnilingus), or anus (anilingus) of a sex partner. The penis and testicles and the vagina and area around the vagina are also called the genitals or genital area. How Common is Oral Sex? See "How common is oral sex?" for statistics in this image. Oral sex is commonly practiced by sexually active adults. Oral sex can happen between heterosexual (straight) and same-sex (gay or lesbian) couples. More than 85% of sexually active adults aged 18-44 years reported having had oral sex at least once with a partner of the opposite sex. A separate survey conducted during 2007-2010 found that 33% of teenage girls and boys aged 15-17 years reported having had oral sex with a partner of the opposite sex. Can STIs Be Spread During Oral Sex? Many STIs, as well as other infections, can be spread through oral sex. Anyone exposed to an infected partner can get an STI in the mouth, throat, genitals, or rectum. The risk of getting an STI from oral sex, or spreading an STI to others through oral sex, depends on a number of things, including The particular STI. The sex acts practiced. How common the STI is in the population to which the sex partners belong. The number of specific sex acts performed. In general: It may be possible to get some STIs in the mouth or throat from giving oral sex to a partner with a genital or anal/rectal infection, particularly from giving oral sex to a partner with an infected penis. It also may be possible to get certain STIs on the penis (and possibly the vagina, anus or rectum) from getting oral sex from a partner with a mouth or throat infection. It’s possible to have an STI in more than one area at the same time, for example in the throat and the genitals. Several STIs that may be transmitted by oral sex can then spread throughout the body of an infected person. STIs can be spread to a sex partner even when the infected partner has no signs or symptoms. If you are infected with an STI, you might not know it because many STIs may have no symptoms. Which STIs Can Be Passed On from Oral Sex? Chlamydia Gonorrhea Syphilis Herpes HPV (human papillomavirus) HIV Trichomoniasis Chlamydia Risk of infection from oral sex: Giving oral sex to a man with an infected penis can result in getting chlamydia in the throat. Giving oral sex to a woman with an infected vagina or urinary tract may result in getting chlamydia in the throat.* Giving oral sex to a man or woman with an infected rectum might result in getting chlamydia in the throat.* Getting oral sex on the penis from a partner with chlamydia in the throat can result in getting chlamydia of the penis. Getting oral sex on the vagina from a partner with chlamydia in the throat might result in getting chlamydia of the vagina or urinary tract.* Getting oral sex on the anus from a partner with chlamydia in the throat might result in getting chlamydia in the rectum.* * Statements followed by an asterisk (*) have not been well studied. Areas of initial infection: Throat Genitals Urinary tract Rectum Initial signs and symptoms of infection: Most chlamydia infections in the throat have no symptoms. When symptoms are present, they can include a sore throat. Many genital, urinary tract, or rectal chlamydia infections have no symptoms. When symptoms are present, they can include: Discharge from vagina or penis (discharge from the vagina may be bloody). Burning feeling when urinating. Painful or swollen testicles. Rectal pain or discharge Treatment: Chlamydia can be cured with the right medicine. The sex partners of a person with chlamydia should also be tested for infection. Those who are diagnosed with chlamydia should not have sex until they and their sex partners have completed treatment. If left untreated, throat infections: Can be spread to uninfected sex partners, particularly by performing oral sex on a male partner’s penis. If left untreated, genital, urinary and/or rectal infections: Can be spread to uninfected sex partners. In women: Can cause pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), which can lead to chronic pelvic pain, infertility, and ectopic pregnancy (a pregnancy in the fallopian tube or elsewhere outside of the womb). In pregnant women: Might result in premature birth or low birth weight in babies. Can be spread to the baby during delivery, and can cause chlamydia infection in the eyes or infection of the respiratory tract that can develop into pneumonia. In men: Can cause epididymitis, a painful condition of the ducts attached to the testicles that may lead to ductal scarring. In both men and women: May increase risk of getting HIV infection. Might increase risk of spreading HIV to sex partners. May cause a reaction (reactive arthritis) throughout the body that can lead to arthritis (joint pain), conjunctivitis (pink eye), and/or a rash on the soles of the feet or elsewhere. In addition to the STIs above, other infections such as hepatitis A virus, Shigella and intestinal parasites (amebiasis) can be spread through giving oral sex on the anus. Is Oral Sex Safer than Vaginal or Anal Sex? Many STIs can be spread through oral sex. However, it is difficult to compare the exact risks of getting specific STIs from specific types of sexual activity. This is partly because most people who have oral sex also have vaginal or anal sex. Also, few studies have looked at the risks of getting STIs other than HIV from giving oral sex on the vagina or anus, compared to giving oral sex on the penis. Studies have shown that the risk of getting HIV from having oral sex with an infected partner (either giving or getting oral sex) is much lower than the risk of getting HIV from anal or vaginal sex with an infected partner. This may not be true for other STIs – in one study of gay men with syphilis, 1 out of 5 reported having only oral sex. Getting HIV from oral sex may be less likely than vaginal or anal sex, but it still carries risk. If you are having oral sex you should still protect yourself. Repeated unprotected oral sex exposure to HIV may represent a considerable risk for spread of HIV, as well as other STIs for which the risk of spread through oral sex has not been as well studied. It is possible that getting certain STIs, such as chlamydia or gonorrhea, in the throat may not pose as great a threat to an infected person’s health as getting an STI in the genital area or rectum. Having these infections in the throat might increase the risk of getting HIV. Having gonorrhea in the throat also may lead to spread of the disease throughout the body. In addition: Having infections of chlamydia and gonorrhea in the throat may make it easier to spread these infections to others through oral sex. This is especially important for gonorrhea, since throat infections are harder to treat than urinary, genital or rectal infections. Infections from certain STIs, such as syphilis and HIV, spread throughout the body. Therefore, infections that are acquired in the throat may lead to the same health problems as infections acquired in the genitals or rectum. Mouth and throat infections by certain types of HPV may develop into oral or neck cancer. What May Increase the Chances of Giving or Getting an STI through Oral Sex? It is possible that certain factors may increase a person’s chances of getting HIV or other STIs during oral sex if exposed to an infected partner, such as: Having poor oral health which can include tooth decay, gum disease or bleeding gums, and oral cancer. Having sores in the mouth or on the genitals. Being exposed to the “pre-cum” or “cum” (also known as pre-ejaculate or ejaculate) of an infected partner. However, no scientific studies have been done to show whether or not these factors actually do increase the risk of getting HIV or STIs from oral sex. What Can You Do to Prevent STI Transmission During Oral Sex? You can lower your chances of giving or getting STIs during oral sex by using a condom, dental dam or other barrier method each and every time you have oral sex. For oral sex on the penis: Cover the penis with a non-lubricated latex condom. Use plastic (polyurethane) condoms if you or your partner is allergic to latex. For oral sex on the vagina or anus: Use a dental dam. Cut open a condom to make a square, and put it between the mouth and the partner’s vagina or anus. The only way to avoid STIs is to not have vaginal, anal, or oral sex. If you are sexually active, you can do the following things to lower your chances of getting an STI: Being in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who is not infected with an STI (e.g., a partner who has been tested and has negative STI test results). Using latex condoms the right way every time you have sex. It’s important to remember that many infected individuals may be unaware of their infection because STIs often have no symptoms and are unrecognized. If you are sexually active, you should get tested regularly for STIs and HIV and talk to your partner(s) about STIs. If you think you might have an STI, stop having sex and visit your doctor or clinic to get tested. There are free and low-cost options for testing in your area. External It is important that you talk openly with your health care provider about any activities that might put you at risk for an STI, including oral sex. Local Clinics

Talking With Your Partner It's important to communicate with your partner about how you feel about sex and abstinence How do I talk about not having sex? Abstinence only works when both partners are cool with not having sex. So the key to making abstinence work is talking about it with your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend — especially because abstinence can mean different things to different people. It’s important to be honest with each other and make decisions about sex together. Talking about sex, birth control, and abstinence might seem hard, but it’s one of the best ways to keep your relationship happy and healthy. It’s normal to feel awkward or embarrassed, especially if you’ve never talked about sex before. Here are some tips to keep you on track: Know what being abstinent means to you. Think about how far you feel comfortable going and what your sexual limits are. Once you know exactly how you feel and what you need, it’s easier to tell someone else about it. Talk before things get sexual. It’s hard to think and speak clearly when you’re all turned on in the heat of the moment. So think ahead of time about how to say “no” to sex if it comes up. What words are best? What actions or body language will make it clear how you feel? It can help to practice what you’ll say out loud, and think about what your partner may say back. Be straightforward. The talk doesn’t have to be long or complicated. Just be up-front and clear about what you want and what you’re comfortable doing. Be confident. You have the right to decide when and if you have sex, and you can say no to sex at any time, for any reason — even if you’ve already had sex before. (And if your partner doesn’t respect your limits, it could be a sign that your relationship isn’t healthy.) Sex isn’t the only way to show your love and affection. People get to know each other, become close, and build trust by: talking and listening sharing being honest respecting each other's thoughts and feelings hanging out together Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a one-time thing that settles things forever — most couples have lots of talks about sex. Relationships change over time, and you and/or your partner may eventually have different feelings about sex and abstinence. If you want to start exploring sex with your partner, talk about birth control and/or sexually transmitted infections first. No matter what happens in your relationship, keep the conversation going and always be open and honest with each other.

What Does Sex Positive Mean? “Sex positive” As its name implies, sex positivity is based on the belief that sex isn’t something that we should be embarrassed about. People who believe in being sex positive have a positive attitude regarding sex and respect other people’s sexual preferences. Sex positivity is also about feeling comfortable with your own sexual identity. Sex was a taboo subject for thousands of years and still is in many cultures. However, in recent years, a large portion of society has come to accept sex and sexual desire as a normal part of human life. One definition of sex-positivity states that it is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation. That said, as long as all parties consent to sexual activity and enjoy it, there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to having sex. These are several examples of sex-positive behaviors: Being open to discuss your sexual preferences and dislikes with your sexual partner Understanding and being comfortable with the fact that your partner might not want to have sex every time you do. Getting tested for sexually transmitted infections whenever needed Practicing safe sex, using condoms and other methods of birth control to protect yourself and your partner. Being accepting of other people’s consensual sexual practices, even if they differ from your own Learning more about our own bodies, how they work, how to keep them safe during sex, and what provides sexual pleasure. Discovering what gives you pleasure and being open to trying new things. Developing communication skills that ensure that both you and your partner are getting what you desire from sex. Advocating for comprehensive sex education so that everyone knows how to have safe sex, what consent means, and that having sex is a natural part of life. What is the sex-positive movement? The sex-positive movement encompasses all individuals who believe in sex positivity. The sex-positive movement focuses on emphasizing safe and consensual sexual activities, regardless of what the activity is. Each person’s preferences are regarded as their own personal choice, without judgment. Sex education is another key factor in the sex-positive movement. Every individual needs to receive a comprehensive sex education to be able to explore sex safely. Providing sex and reproductive education is also a way to decrease the taboos that still surround sex in certain cultures and areas. The opposite of sex positivity is, of course, sex negativity. Sex negativity is based on the belief that sex is destructive unless it’s practiced strictly within the confines of heterosexual marriage. For many years, physicians and science contributed to these sex-negative beliefs. Nowadays, however, science has discovered the many benefits of sex, and you can find doctor-approved tips to improve your sex life. Sex-positive culture The sex-positive movement has grown exponentially thanks to social media platforms and modern media. In the past, sex was a taboo topic that was perceived as shameful and embarrassing to talk about. But in recent years, sex has been recognized as a normal part of life that should be talked about and discussed openly. These positions have also helped to encourage safe sex, especially after HIV and its prevention became a part of everyday culture in the 1990s. A sex-positive culture also seeks to battle sex-related shaming. While sex negativity shames people for their sexual activities, for being victims of sexual abuse, or even for having sex for the first time outside of marriage, a sex-positive culture accepts that everyone has a right to make their own choices about their sex life. Sex-positive asexuality Sex positivity can be practiced by anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation. This includes the LGBTQI community and asexual individuals. Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction towards others and having low or no sexual desire at all. But that doesn’t mean that all asexual people feel the same way about sex. While some asexual people aren’t interested in sex at all, other asexual individuals also identify as sex-positive. That simply means that they’re accepting of other people’s sexual preferences and might be interested in learning more about them even if they’re not interested in taking part in those activities themselves. You can be asexual, avoid shaming culture, and promote a comprehensive sexual education — all parts of sex-positive culture. Sex-positive parenting Sex-positive parents seek to teach their children — especially teenagers — about safe sex and consent and to empower them to make their own decisions about their sex lives. Studies have shown that teenagers who have discussed sex openly with their parents are more likely to wait until they’re older to pursue an active sex life. They’re also more likely to approach their parents with any sex-related questions they might have. Growing up in a sex-positive household also increases the likelihood that teenagers will engage in safe sex and use condoms and birth control appropriately. Overall, sex positivity seeks to change negative perceptions about sex and empower all individuals to take control over their sex lives. As long as sexual activity is pleasurable and all parties enthusiastically consent, being sex-positive can lead to safer sex and more pleasure for everyone involved! WEBSITE