SAFER Sex TOOLs What's The Right Choice For You? Take the quiz Wrap it before you tap it Condoms: Do's + Dont's SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE WAYS TO PRACTICE SAFER SEX Find More Safer Sex Resources Here Communication MSM Safer Sex Trans Safer Sex How to Choose A Lube STI Screening If you are sexually active, getting tested for STIs is one of the most important things you can do to protect your health. Make sure you have an open and honest conversation about your sexual history and STI testing with your doctor and ask whether you should be tested for STIs. If you are not comfortable talking with your regular health care provider about STIs, there are many clinics that provide confidential and free or low-cost testing. STI Screening Avoiding Injury When we talk about safe sex, we usually mean using protection with a respectful partner. But even if you’re comfortable with consent and contraception, lovemaking still entails some physical risks. Let’s admit it: Passion can quickly turn painful when accidents occur during sex. Even for the most connected couples, one wrong move can replace moans of ecstasy with screams of agony – and leave us sidelined from seduction for the foreseeable future. Trans Resources How to Choose A Lube PrEP Pre-exposure prophylaxis (or PrEP) is when people at very high risk for HIV take daily medicine to prevent HIV. PrEP can stop HIV from taking hold and spreading throughout your body. When taken daily, PrEP is highly effective for preventing HIV from sex or injection drug use. PrEP is much less effective when it is not taken consistently. Learn More HPV Vaccination HPV vaccination is preventing cancer-causing infections and precancers. HPV infections are so common that nearly all men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives. Nearly 80 million Americans are currently infected with some type of HPV. About 14 million Americans, including teens, become infected each year. HPV is spread through intimate skin-to-skin contact. You can get HPV by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus. Talk to your healthcare provider or visit one of the local clinics to learn more about the vaccination. clinics

Is the place to get your questions answered about sex, pregnancy, STIs and whatever else comes up in Coos County, Oregon. The Sex Talk Is the place to get your questions answered about sex, pregnancy, STIs and whatever else comes up... Home Ready to make the leap? Maybe take a second to think things through.... LEARN MORE ABOUT SAFER SEX Consent is what needs to happen first. If you’re confused, this little video should make things clear. Now...Let's start the Safe Sex CONVERSATION Safe Sex LEARN MORE ABOUT STIS Did you know that you can get condoms mailed to you!? Click here What's the Risk? LOVE IS LOVE The word "ally" is a powerful one. It means someone who has your back and is on your side, because they know it's the right thing to do. In the LGBTQ movement, an "ally" describes someone who may not be LGBTQ themselves, but who are committed to equality and who speak out against discrimination. Be An Ally

4389cbc0-adea-42ad-b09b-88e5714a23ec < Back Ending A Pregnancy There are two ways of ending a pregnancy: in-clinic abortion and the abortion pill. Both are safe and very common. If you’re pregnant and thinking about abortion, you may have lots of questions. We’re here to help. Is abortion the right option for me? Abortion is very common, and people have abortions for many different reasons. Only you know what’s best for you, but good information and support can really help you make the decision that is best for your own health and well-being. Why do people decide to have an abortion? If you’re thinking about having an abortion, you’re so not alone. Millions of people face unplanned pregnancies every year, and about 4 out of 10 of them decide to get an abortion. Some people with planned pregnancies also get abortions because of health or safety reasons. Overall, 1 in 4 women in the U.S. will have an abortion by the time they’re 45 years old. Sometimes, the decision is simple. Other times, it’s complicated. But either way, the decision to have an abortion is personal, and you’re the only one who can make it. Everyone has their own unique and valid reasons for having an abortion. Some of the many different reasons people decide to end a pregnancy include: They want to be the best parent possible to the kids they already have. They’re not ready to be a parent yet. It’s not a good time in their life to have a baby. They want to finish school, focus on work, or achieve other goals before having a baby. They’re not in a relationship with someone they want to have a baby with. They’re in an abusive relationship or were sexually assaulted. The pregnancy is dangerous or bad for their health. The fetus won’t survive the pregnancy or will suffer after birth. They just don’t want to be a parent. Deciding to have an abortion doesn’t mean you don’t want or love children. In fact, 6 out of 10 people who get abortions already have kids — and many of them decide to end their pregnancies so they can focus on the children they already have. And people who aren’t already parents when they get an abortion often go on to have a baby later, when they feel they are in a better position to be a good parent. The bottom line is, deciding if and when to have a baby is very personal, and only you know what’s best for you and your family. What can I think about to help me decide? Family, relationships, school, work, life goals, health, safety, and personal beliefs — people think carefully about these things before having an abortion. But you’re the only person walking in your shoes, and the only person who can decide whether to have an abortion. The decision is 100% yours. Here are some things to consider if you are thinking about an abortion: Am I ready to be a parent? Would I consider adoption? What would it mean for my future if I had a child now? What would it mean for my family if I had a child now? How would being a parent affect my career goals? Do I have strong personal or religious beliefs about abortion? Is anyone pressuring me to have or not have an abortion? Would having a baby change my life in a way I do or don’t want? Would having an abortion change my life in a way I do or don’t want? What kind of support would I need and get if I decided to get an abortion? What kind of support would I need and get if I decided to have a baby? Decisions about your pregnancy are deeply personal. You hold the power to make decisions that are best for you in order to stay on your own path to a healthy and meaningful life. There are lots of things to consider, and it’s totally normal to have many different feelings and thoughts when making this decision. That’s why it’s important to get factual, non-judgmental information about abortion. Support from family, friends, partners, and other people you trust can also be helpful. But at the end of the day, only you know what’s right for you. Who can I talk with about getting an abortion? Lots of people lean on others to help them with their decision. It’s good to choose people who you know are understanding and supportive of you. Your local health center has caring professionals that can answer any questions you may have. They'll give you expert care, accurate information about all your options, and non-judgmental support along the way — no matter what you decide about your pregnancy. Other family planning centers and private doctors may also talk with you about your decision. But be careful when looking for a reliable health center, because there are fake clinics out there that claim to offer information about pregnancy options and abortion. They’re called Crisis Pregnancy Centers, and they’re run by people who don’t believe in giving you honest facts about abortion, pregnancy, and birth control. Crisis pregnancy centers are often located very close to Planned Parenthood health centers or other real medical centers, and have similar names — they do this to confuse people and trick them into visiting them instead. No one should pressure you into making any decision about your pregnancy, no matter what. So it’s important to get the info and support you need from people who give you the real facts and won’t judge you. If you’re having a hard time finding someone in your life to talk with, check out All-Options. All-Options has a free hotline that gives you a confidential space to talk about making decisions about a pregnancy. They’ll give you judgment-free support at any point in your pregnancy experience, no matter what you decide to do or how you feel about it. When do I have to make a decision? It’s important to take the time you need to make the best decision for you. It’s also a good idea to talk to a nurse or doctor as soon as you can so you can get the best medical care possible. The staff at your local Planned Parenthood health center is always here to provide expert medical care and support, no matter what decision you make. Previous Next

e60af237-32f8-4921-be14-d5d3b7aed5bf < Back Planned Parenthood There are two ways of ending a pregnancy: in-clinic abortion and the abortion pill. Both are safe and very common. If you’re pregnant and thinking about abortion, you may have lots of questions. We’re here to help. Previous Next

What Is Sexual Orientation? It’s not completely known what causes someone to be lesbian, gay, straight, or bisexual, but your sexual orientation probably started at a very young age. This doesn’t mean that you had sexual feelings, just that you had feelings about who you were attracted to. As you get older these feelings get stronger and shape your sexual identity. Sometimes sexual orientation changes over time. And sometimes it stays the same throughout your life. But sexual orientation isn’t a choice, and can’t be changed by therapy, treatment, or pressure from family or friends. You also can’t “turn” a person gay. For example, a girl who plays with toys traditionally made for boys isn’t going to become a lesbian because of that. Sexual orientation can feel incredibly simple — you’re a girl who’s always liked both guys and girls and you identify as bisexual — or it can feel way more complex. It may take several years to understand your sexual orientation or come out. Some people call themselves questioning, which means they aren’t sure about their sexual orientation or gender identity. This is common — especially for teens.

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the United States. Some health effects caused by HPV can be prevented by the HPV vaccines. What is HPV? Should I get the HPV vaccine? HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). HPV is a different virus than HIV and HSV (herpes). 79 million Americans, most in their late teens and early 20s, are infected with HPV. There are many different types of HPV. Some types can cause health problems including genital warts and cancers. But there are vaccines that can stop these health problems from happening. How is HPV spread? You can get HPV by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus. It is most commonly spread during vaginal or anal sex. HPV can be passed even when an infected person has no signs or symptoms. Anyone who is sexually active can get HPV, even if you have had sex with only one person. You also can develop symptoms years after you have sex with someone who is infected. This makes it hard to know when you first became infected. Does HPV cause health problems? In most cases, HPV goes away on its own and does not cause any health problems. But when HPV does not go away, it can cause health problems like genital warts and cancer. Genital warts usually appear as a small bump or group of bumps in the genital area. They can be small or large, raised or flat, or shaped like a cauliflower. A healthcare provider can usually diagnose warts by looking at the genital area. Does HPV cause cancer? HPV can cause cervical and other cancers including cancer of the vulva, vagina, penis, or anus. It can also cause cancer in the back of the throat, including the base of the tongue and tonsils (called oropharyngeal cancer). Cancer often takes years, even decades, to develop after a person gets HPV. The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same as the types of HPV that can cause cancers. There is no way to know which people who have HPV will develop cancer or other health problems. People with weak immune systems (including those with HIV/AIDS) may be less able to fight off HPV. They may also be more likely to develop health problems from HPV. How can I avoid HPV and the health problems it can cause? You can do several things to lower your chances of getting HPV. Get vaccinated. The HPV vaccine is safe and effective. It can protect against diseases (including cancers) caused by HPV when given in the recommended age groups. (See “Who should get vaccinated?” below) CDC recommends HPV vaccination at age 11 or 12 years (or can start at age 9 years) and for everyone through age 26 years, if not vaccinated already. For more information on the recommendations, please see: https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd/hpv/public/index.html Get screened for cervical cancer. Routine screening for women aged 21 to 65 years old can prevent cervical cancer. If you are sexually active: Use latex condoms the right way every time you have sex. This can lower your chances of getting HPV. But HPV can infect areas not covered by a condom – so condoms may not fully protect against getting HPV; Be in a mutually monogamous relationship – or have sex only with someone who only has sex with you. Who should get vaccinated? HPV vaccination is recommended at age 11 or 12 years (or can start at age 9 years) and for everyone through age 26 years, if not vaccinated already. Vaccination is not recommended for everyone older than age 26 years. However, some adults age 27 through 45 years who are not already vaccinated may decide to get the HPV vaccine after speaking with their healthcare provider about their risk for new HPV infections and the possible benefits of vaccination. HPV vaccination in this age range provides less benefit. Most sexually active adults have already been exposed to HPV, although not necessarily all of the HPV types targeted by vaccination. At any age, having a new sex partner is a risk factor for getting a new HPV infection. People who are already in a long-term, mutually monogamous relationship are not likely to get a new HPV infection. How do I know if I have HPV? There is no test to find out a person’s “HPV status.” Also, there is no approved HPV test to find HPV in the mouth or throat. There are HPV tests that can be used to screen for cervical cancer. These tests are only recommended for screening in women aged 30 years and older. HPV tests are not recommended to screen men, adolescents, or women under the age of 30 years. Most people with HPV do not know they are infected and never develop symptoms or health problems from it. Some people find out they have HPV when they get genital warts. Women may find out they have HPV when they get an abnormal Pap test result (during cervical cancer screening). Others may only find out once they’ve developed more serious problems from HPV, such as cancers. How common is HPV and the health problems caused by HPV? HPV (the virus): About 79 million Americans are currently infected with HPV. About 14 million people become newly infected each year. HPV is so common that almost every person who is sexually-active will get HPV at some time in their life if they don’t get the HPV vaccine. Health problems related to HPV include genital warts and cervical cancer. Genital warts: Before HPV vaccines were introduced, roughly 340,000 to 360,000 women and men were affected by genital warts caused by HPV every year.* Also, about one in 100 sexually active adults in the U.S. has genital warts at any given time. Cervical cancer: Every year, nearly 12,000 women living in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cervical cancer, and more than 4,000 women die from cervical cancer—even with screening and treatment. There are other conditions and cancers caused by HPV that occur in people living in the United States. Every year, approximately 19,400 women and 12,100 men are affected by cancers caused by HPV. *These figures only look at the number of people who sought care for genital warts. This could be an underestimate of the actual number of people who get genital warts. I’m pregnant. Will having HPV affect my pregnancy? If you are pregnant and have HPV, you can get genital warts or develop abnormal cell changes on your cervix. Abnormal cell changes can be found with routine cervical cancer screening. You should get routine cervical cancer screening even when you are pregnant. Can I be treated for HPV or health problems caused by HPV? There is no treatment for the virus itself. However, there are treatments for the health problems that HPV can cause: Genital warts can be treated by your healthcare provider or with prescription medication. If left untreated, genital warts may go away, stay the same, or grow in size or number. Cervical precancer can be treated. Women who get routine Pap tests and follow up as needed can identify problems before cancer develops. Prevention is always better than treatment. < Previous Next >

31cbe5db-89f4-4152-9d76-287f9c86c8a7 < Back Emergency Contraception Emergency contraception consists of methods that can be used by women after sexual intercourse to prevent pregnancy. Emergency contraception methods have varying ranges of effectiveness depending on the method and timing of administration. Types of Emergency Contraception Intrauterine Device Cu-IUD ECPs UPA in a single dose (30 mg) Levonorgestrel in a single dose (1.5 mg) or as a split dose (1 dose of 0.75 mg of levonorgestrel followed by a second dose of 0.75 mg of levonorgestrel 12 hours later) Combined estrogen and progestin in 2 doses (Yuzpe regimen: 1 dose of 100 µg of ethinyl estradiol plus 0.50 mg of levonorgestrel followed by a second dose of 100 µg of ethinyl estradiol plus 0.50 mg of levonorgestrel 12 hours later) Initiation of Emergency Contraception Timing Cu-IUD The Cu-IUD can be inserted within 5 days of the first act of unprotected sexual intercourse as an emergency contraceptive. In addition, when the day of ovulation can be estimated, the Cu-IUD can be inserted beyond 5 days after sexual intercourse, as long as insertion does not occur >5 days after ovulation. ECPs ECPs should be taken as soon as possible within 5 days of unprotected sexual intercourse. Comments and Evidence Summary. Cu-IUDs are highly effective as emergency contraception (283) and can be continued as regular contraception. UPA and levonorgestrel ECPs have similar effectiveness when taken within 3 days after unprotected sexual intercourse; however, UPA has been shown to be more effective than the levonorgestrel formulation 3–5 days after unprotected sexual intercourse. The combined estrogen and progestin regimen is less effective than UPA or levonorgestrel and also is associated with more frequent occurrence of side effects (nausea and vomiting). The levonorgestrel formulation might be less effective than UPA among obese women. Two studies of UPA use found consistent decreases in pregnancy rates when administered within 120 hours of unprotected sexual intercourse. Five studies found that the levonorgestrel and combined regimens decreased risk for pregnancy through the fifth day after unprotected sexual intercourse; however, rates of pregnancy were slightly higher when ECPs were taken after 3 days. A meta-analysis of levonorgestrel ECPs found that pregnancy rates were low when administered within 4 days after unprotected sexual intercourse but increased at 4–5 days (Level of evidence: I to II-2, good to poor, direct). Advance Provision of ECPs An advance supply of ECPs may be provided so that ECPs will be available when needed and can be taken as soon as possible after unprotected sexual intercourse. Comments and Evidence Summary. A systematic review identified 17 studies that reported on safety or effectiveness of advance ECPs in adult or adolescent women. Any use of ECPs was two to seven times greater among women who received an advance supply of ECPs. However, a summary estimate (relative risk = 0.97; 95% confidence interval = 0.77–1.22) of five randomized controlled trials did not indicate a significant reduction in unintended pregnancies at 12 months with advance provision of ECPs. In the majority of studies among adults or adolescents, patterns of regular contraceptive use, pregnancy rates, and incidence of STDs did not vary between those who received advance ECPs and those who did not. Although available evidence supports the safety of advance provision of ECPs, effectiveness of advance provision of ECPs in reducing pregnancy rates at the population level has not been demonstrated (Level of evidence: I to II-3, good to poor, direct). Initiation of Regular Contraception After ECPs UPA Advise the woman to start or resume hormonal contraception no sooner than 5 days after use of UPA, and provide or prescribe the regular contraceptive method as needed. For methods requiring a visit to a health care provider, such as DMPA, implants, and IUDs, starting the method at the time of UPA use may be considered; the risk that the regular contraceptive method might decrease the effectiveness of UPA must be weighed against the risk of not starting a regular hormonal contraceptive method. The woman needs to abstain from sexual intercourse or use barrier contraception for the next 7 days after starting or resuming regular contraception or until her next menses, whichever comes first. Any non hormonal contraceptive method can be started immediately after the use of UPA. Advise the woman to have a pregnancy test if she does not have a withdrawal bleed within 3 weeks. Levonorgestrel and Combined Estrogen and Progestin ECPs Any regular contraceptive method can be started immediately after the use of levonorgestrel or combined estrogen and progestin ECPs. The woman needs to abstain from sexual intercourse or use barrier contraception for 7 days. Advise the woman to have a pregnancy test if she does not have a withdrawal bleed within 3 weeks. Comments and Evidence Summary.The resumption or initiation of regular hormonal contraception after ECP use involves consideration of the risk for pregnancy if ECPs fail and the risks for unintended pregnancy if contraception initiation is delayed until the subsequent menstrual cycle. A health care provider may provide or prescribe pills, the patch, or the ring for a woman to start no sooner than 5 days after use of UPA. For methods requiring a visit to a health care provider, such as DMPA, implants, and IUDs, starting the method at the time of UPA use may be considered; the risk that the regular contraceptive method might decrease the effectiveness of UPA must be weighed against the risk of not starting a regular hormonal contraceptive method. Data on when a woman can start regular contraception after ECPs are limited to pharmacodynamic data and expert opinion. In one pharmacodynamic study of women who were randomly assigned to either UPA or placebo groups mid-cycle followed by a 21-day course of combined hormonal contraception found no difference between UPA and placebo groups in the time for women’s ovaries to reach quiescence by ultrasound and serum estradiol; this finding suggests that UPA did not have an effect on the combined hormonal contraception. In another pharmacodynamic study with a crossover design, women were randomly assigned to one of three groups: 1) UPA followed by desogestrel for 20 days started 1 day later; 2) UPA plus placebo; or 3) placebo plus desogestrel for 20 days. Among women taking UPA followed by desogestrel, a higher incidence of ovulation in the first 5 days was found compared with UPA alone (45% versus 3%, respectively), suggesting desogestrel might decrease the effectiveness of UPA. No concern exists that administering combined estrogen and progestin or levonorgestrel formulations of ECPs concurrently with systemic hormonal contraception decreases the effectiveness of either emergency or regular contraceptive methods because these formulations do not have antiprogestin properties like UPA. If a woman is planning to initiate contraception after the next menstrual bleeding after ECP use, the cycle in which ECPs are used might be shortened, prolonged, or involve unscheduled bleeding. Prevention and Management of Nausea and Vomiting with ECP Use Nausea and Vomiting Levonorgestrel and UPA ECPs cause less nausea and vomiting than combined estrogen and progestin ECPs. Routine use of antiemetics before taking ECPs is not recommended. Pretreatment with antiemetics may be considered depending on availability and clinical judgment. Vomiting Within 3 Hours of Taking ECPs Another dose of ECP should be taken as soon as possible. Use of an antiemetic should be considered. Comments and Evidence Summary. Many women do not experience nausea or vomiting when taking ECPs, and predicting which women will experience nausea or vomiting is difficult. Although routine use of antiemetics before taking ECPs is not recommended, antiemetics are effective in some women and can be offered when appropriate. Health-care providers who are deciding whether to offer antiemetics to women taking ECPs should consider the following: 1) women taking combined estrogen and progestin ECPs are more likely to experience nausea and vomiting than those who take levonorgestrel or UPA ECPs; 2) evidence indicates that antiemetics reduce the occurrence of nausea and vomiting in women taking combined estrogen and progestin ECPs; and 3) women who take antiemetics might experience other side effects from the antiemetics. A systematic review examined incidence of nausea and vomiting with different ECP regimens and effectiveness of anti nausea drugs in reducing nausea and vomiting with ECP use. The levonorgestrel regimen was associated with significantly less nausea than a nonstandard dose of UPA (50 mg) and the standard combined estrogen and progestin regimen. Use of the split-dose levonorgestrel showed no differences in nausea and vomiting compared with the single-dose levonorgestrel (Level of evidence: I, good-fair, indirect). Two trials of anti nausea drugs, meclizine and metoclopramide, taken before combined estrogen and progestin ECPs, reduced the severity of nausea. Significantly less vomiting occurred with meclizine but not metoclopramide (Level of evidence: I, good-fair, direct). No direct evidence was found regarding the effects of vomiting after taking ECPs. Previous Next

GONORRHEA TESTIMONIALS Well, it all started when I was 15. I had reunited with my first love at that age. Yes I know, it was a bit early. I really loved this guy and the more time I spent with him, the closer I got to him, and I trusted him even more. He kept pressuring me to show him I love him by letting him "make love" to me. This statement never worked on me though, because I paid attention in too many health classes at school. Finally, I began to relive just how much I desired to feel what it was like. Although I wanted to keep my promise of saving myself to my mother, I wanted to know. At first him and I did a lot of just touching and kissing and intimate things like that. I figured I was going to be with him forever so I decided to let him "make love" to me. He put on the condom and many thoughts raced my mind on that August afternoon. It was a little difficult to get it inside but just as he was getting closer, I stopped him. At that point I didn't know whether or not I had already lost it or not, so I let him continue and I lost it. I had so many feelings… I was happy, sad, and felt really guilty. Since then him and I did it every time I saw him. After, that’s all our relationship developed into, and I broke up with him. I've had sex with 3 other guys after him in lengthy relationships. Now I am in love again, and my boyfriend and I went to get tested. We both were diagnosed with Gonorrhea and treated for it the next week. Now I am afraid and I want to get tested for HIV. I don't think that I have HIV, but I also didn't think I had Gonorrhea. I am now 18 and regret losing my virginity. You don't have to be promiscuous to contract an STI. It only takes one time. So if anyone considers having sex I'm not against it because it's a wonderful thing, but I would just advise that they use condoms no matter how much they know someone and trust them. Remember that same person probably trusted their previous loved ones and would have never suspected that they ever had a disease. So please, be safe and "wrap it up"...really. 10-19 previous nEXT

getting birth control Although the closest Planned Parenthood is in Eugene , there are several clinics in the area that offer similar services. It's easy, you can walk-in, make an appt or call to get more information. Below are links to local providers. Coos Health and Wellness Waterfall Community Health Center Waterfall School Based Health Center Coast Community Health Center

How To Be Supportive Accidentally getting a girl pregnant is probably the last thing you ever expected — or wanted — at this time in your life. However, here you are, reeling from the news that the woman you have slept with is pregnant with your baby. It does not matter whether this woman is your wife, a long-term girlfriend, a casual partner or even a one-night fling. As the father of her baby, you must take responsibility for your actions. Both of you made the adult decision to have sex with each other, and now you must face the consequences together. For many men, dealing with an unplanned pregnancy can seem like the end of their life as they know it. This doesn’t have to be the case. You and the woman you have impregnated with always have options for your unplanned pregnancy, but it’s important that you discuss this situation in detail before moving forward. If you’re asking, “She is pregnant — what do I do and how do I talk to her about it?” find some tips below for this important conversation. 1. Take a Deep Breath. People often wonder how to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. For men and women alike, it’s important to stay calm. An unplanned pregnancy is a frightening and overwhelming situation; you may be feeling angry at yourself and her, worried about your future, and completely unsure of what to do. Remember that you are in this journey together. Do not take your feelings out on each other; take a deep breath and try to approach this circumstance as a team. You may be reading this article after the expectant mother told you about her pregnancy — and you may be ashamed of how you acted. Rather than looking at the situation rationally, you may have jumped to emotional conclusions and said things you didn’t mean. Think about how your reaction may have affected her. She is probably just as frightened as you, and if you responded negatively, it likely didn’t help the circumstances. If this is the case, take responsibility for your actions, apologize and give yourselves another chance to discuss what to do about your unplanned pregnancy. 2. Don’t Make it All About You. When you first learn about accidentally getting a girl pregnant, your thoughts will first go to how this will affect your life: I need to get a job, I’m going to have to quit school, I’m going to have to cancel my traveling plans. While it’s perfectly normal to focus on how this pregnancy will affect you, remember that it will affect the expectant mother, too — even more so, as she is the one to physically experience the pregnancy. If you choose to focus on yourself, she will understandably feel abandoned and unimportant in this situation. This news of an unexpected pregnancy can be devastating, but remember that you are both affected by this situation — and you should approach it as a united front. 3. Ask Her How She’s Feeling. On the same note, taking the mother’s feelings into account can be done by simply starting with a simple question: How are you feeling? This question opens up the conversation for her to lead moving forward. It’s an empathetic query that allows her to express her complicated emotions, her initial thoughts and ask for your opinion, too. This will give you the chance to collect your own thoughts (as long as you listen to her answer at the same time!) and understand better where she is at in her decision process and what she desires from you as the man in her unplanned pregnancy. Starting with a non-judgmental, open-ended question will help inspire a positive conversation, rather than one that points blame at each other and results in no productive solutions. 4. Understand What Your Options Are. Whether a woman has indicated she has made a choice about her unplanned pregnancy or she is still deciding, it’s crucial that you understand your unplanned pregnancy options, too. Men dealing with unplanned pregnancy have just as much input in the decision as the woman but, keep in mind that because a woman will be the one carrying the child, she will have the ultimate decision. If you’re looking for unexpected pregnancy advice for men, consider these questions about each of your options moving forward: Parenting: Can you afford to raise a child? Are you ready to take on a new job or extra shifts to afford this new member of your family? Are you ready to put aside some of your personal dreams for the best interest of your child? Are you prepared to marry this woman? Or to co-parent this child without getting married? Are you willing to take parenting classes to learn more about raising a child? Abortion: Will you pitch in to help the mother afford the cost of an abortion? Will you be there to support the woman through her initial appointment and her abortion procedure? Adoption: Do you understand how adoption works today? Are you prepared to legally sign away your parental rights to your child? How involved do you want to be in the process: in helping to choose a family, having a relationship with your child as they grow up, supporting the mother through her pregnancy, etc.? Are you willing to speak with the expectant mother to an adoption counselor? Only after you fully understand your options can you have a productive conversation about what to do after accidentally getting a girl pregnant. 5. Create a Plan Together. It takes two to cause an unplanned pregnancy — and you two should both be involved in the situation moving forward. As tempting as it can be to walk away, it’s important that you man up, take responsibility for your actions and work with the expectant mother to create a plan that’s best for you both. You both should answer these questions: Where do you see yourself in five years? Will raising a baby interfere with those plans? Do you see this relationship lasting? Are you ready to commit to a long-term connection by having a baby together? What are your gut reactions to finding out about this unplanned pregnancy? What can you do to help each other through this process? It’s crucial you answer these questions and have an open conversation before creating a plan. That way, you can ensure that both your and the woman’s needs and wants are addressed — creating a more positive, cooperative path moving forward. It can be a difficult situation for men dealing with an unplanned pregnancy if the woman chooses a path they do not agree with. If this is your situation, honestly try to see the situation from her perspective. Explain why you would prefer she choose other paths — and offer up support. For example, if you are against abortion but do not wish to support her through her pregnancy or childbirth, you can see where she might not take your opinion into account. Remember this: The decision is ultimately up to the woman who will carry the pregnancy for nine months. It is your duty to support her, whatever she chooses. 6. Give Her the Support She Wants. Once a woman has made her choice, move forward by asking her what support she needs from you. Whether she wants you intimately involved in her abortion, adoption, pregnancy or parenting (or not), offer your support and respect her wishes. She may wish for you to be there during her doctor’s appointments or have you be involved in the adoption process. If she chooses to parent, she may want you to have a presence in your child’s life. Keep in mind, as a biological father, you will likely be legally required to pay child support if you do not wish to be involved in your child’s life. It can be difficult to overcome your personal wishes in an unplanned pregnancy, but take responsibility and be there to assist the expectant mother however you can. 7. Learn from Your Experience. Whatever else results from you accidentally getting a girl pregnant, you will learn life lessons. Take these to heart to avoid another concerning situation like this. Always use multiple forms of birth control to avoid unwanted pregnancy, and maybe think more about the potential ramifications of sex before you engage in this action. We’re not here to encourage you to abandon all casual sex; just take more precautions before doing so. This experience may also teach you a bit about yourself and what you want in your life. Do you really wish to be a parent? When do you want to have a child? What do you want to accomplish before another pregnancy?

Sex Tool Communication Talking with your partner about condoms and birth control Talking with your partner about preventing STDs and unplanned pregnancy is one of the most important things you can do to protect your sexual health. Why do I need to talk about condoms and birth control? Talking about protecting your sexual health is an important part of being sexually active. It’s normal to feel nervous about bringing up condoms and birth control, but you can totally handle this. And imagine how much more difficult it would be to bring up your STD or unplanned pregnancy. If you have penis-in-vagina (vaginal) sex, it’s really important to use both a condom and another form of birth control (like the pill or the IUD). That way you’re protected from both pregnancy and STDs. So talk about both. If you have anal sex, you need to use a condom and lubricant. For oral sex, use a condom or a dental dam. Using all this stuff is sometimes called “safer sex,” since you’re lowering your risk of pregnancy and STDs. Talking about STDs is just as important as talking about preventing pregnancy. And just because you’re not having vaginal sex doesn’t mean you don’t have to talk - STDs are a possibility with any kind of sex. If you’re not sure what to say, practice beforehand. Then, choose a good time to talk (not in the heat of the moment). If your partner refuses to use protection, then they aren’t showing respect for you or your health. How do I talk about safer sex? DO Find a time when you’re relaxed and can focus. Use “I” statements — like, “I want us to protect each other,” instead of, “You need to get on birth control.” Remind them that safer sex benefits BOTH of you. Clearly state that you want to use protection if you’re going to have sex. No protection? No sex. Tell them that using protection will allow both of you to enjoy sex more, since neither of you will have to be worrying about STDs or unplanned pregnancy. Use positive language. For example: “I want to talk with you about this because I care about you.” Make sure the conversation is a 2-way street — so talk AND listen. Try to understand their point of view and ask questions. Work together to get the protection you need. This means talking about how to get the protection you need and who’s going to pay for it, both now and in the future. DON’T Start the conversation when you’re about to have sex — that can get awkward (or a problem if you don’t have the protection you need with you). Talk about it way before you have sex, so you can make sure you’re doing all you can for protection (like going to the doctor and getting a really effective birth control method if you’re having vaginal sex). Assume they don’t like condoms. Most people use condoms, so they’ve probably thought about it, too. Saying you’re into condoms might make them more comfortable saying that they are, too. Be judgmental, aggressive, or controlling. Assume that using condoms means they’re cheating on you. People use condoms because they care about themselves and each other.

Going To The Clinic You might feel embarrassed, but there's no need – the staff at these clinics are used to testing for all kinds of infections. It's their job and they won't judge you. They should do their best to explain everything to you and make you feel at ease. You can make an appointment to go to an STI clinic, or sometimes there's a drop-in clinic, which means you can just turn up without the need for an appointment. You might feel embarrassed, but there's no need – the staff at these clinics are used to testing for all kinds of infections. It's their job and they won't judge you. They should do their best to explain everything to you and make you feel at ease. You can go to a sexual health clinic whether you're male or female, whatever your age, regardless of whether or not you have STI symptoms. If you're under 16, the service is still confidential and the clinic won't tell your parents. Local Clinics