It's important to communicate with your partner about how you feel about sex and abstinence

How do I talk about not having sex?

Abstinence only works when both partners are cool with not having sex. So the key to making abstinence work is talking about it with your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend — especially because abstinence can mean different things to different people.

It’s important to be honest with each other and make decisions about sex together. Talking about sex, birth control, and abstinence might seem hard, but it’s one of the best ways to keep your relationship happy and healthy.

It’s normal to feel awkward or embarrassed, especially if you’ve never talked about sex before. Here are some tips to keep you on track:

Know what being abstinent means to you. Think about how far you feel comfortable going and what your sexual limits are. Once you know exactly how you feel and what you need, it’s easier to tell someone else about it.

Talk before things get sexual. It’s hard to think and speak clearly when you’re all turned on in the heat of the moment. So think ahead of time about how to say “no” to sex if it comes up. What words are best? What actions or body language will make it clear how you feel? It can help to practice what you’ll say out loud, and think about what your partner may say back.

Be straightforward. The talk doesn’t have to be long or complicated. Just be up-front and clear about what you want and what you’re comfortable doing.

Be confident. You have the right to decide when and if you have sex, and you can say no to sex at any time, for any reason — even if you’ve already had sex before. (And if your partner doesn’t respect your limits, it could be a sign that your relationship isn’t healthy.)

Sex isn’t the only way to show your love and affection. People get to know each other, become close, and build trust by:

talking and listening

sharing

being honest

respecting each other's thoughts and feelings

hanging out together

Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a one-time thing that settles things forever — most couples have lots of talks about sex. Relationships change over time, and you and/or your partner may eventually have different feelings about sex and abstinence.

If you want to start exploring sex with your partner, talk about birth control and/or sexually transmitted infections first. No matter what happens in your relationship, keep the conversation going and always be open and honest with each other.